


Freedom

by nu_ll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Anal Sex, Child Abuse, Drugs, F/M, Homophobic Language, M/M, Oral Sex, POV Second Person, Prostitution, Sex, Slurs, if i think of more tags ill add them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-09-26 17:59:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17146421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nu_ll/pseuds/nu_ll
Summary: In order to free himself from the abuse he deals with at the hand of his Bro, 18-year-old Dave Strider turns to prostitution to save up enough money and get away from his hell.





	1. Chapter 1

It's November 17th and you're 7 years old.

     You're sitting in a diner munching on fry after fry as your bro lounges in the cushioned bench across from you. It is way too late for you to be out of bed, especially on a school night, but this is a special circumstance. One you're all too familiar with because it happens every few days. You guess it’s not really special after all.

     Bro is lounging, one arm on the back of the seat across from you as he watches you stuff your face with neutral interest. He's not eating, it's part of the act. He only has a mug of coffee in front of him since it’s cheap and has as many free refills as he wants.

     A jingle, and a group of girls walk into the diner, bubbling about a movie they just saw and chatting about the latest show on TV. As they're about to walk past, Bro leans over and ruffles your hair.

     'S'it good?' he asks, and you merely nod, putting more fries in your mouth. 'Sweet. Eat up, lil man. Don'know when yer gonna get more.'

     One of the girls hears this, and looks over to your booth. Almost immediately they start fawning over you, cooing and saying how cute you are. You don't understand it because you're just sitting there in a ratty tShirt, too big jeans and the pointy shades Bro gave you.

     'Oh, he's so cute! How old is he?' one of the girls asks.

     'Gonna turn 8 next month,' Bro says, reaching over to ruffle your hair again. You frown slightly.

     'Are you his dad?' another girl asks. You look down at your fingers, suddenly losing your appetite. You've heard this so many times before in your short life, and you know exactly what Bro's response will be.

     Bro lets out a laugh, and its fake, but only you and him can tell. 'Naw, he's my lil bro. Been raisin' him since he was a baby.'

     'Oh, what happened to your parents?!' a third, and the final girl, asks as she slides into the booth next to Bro. He shoots you a look and you scoot over in your seat, letting the other two girls sit next to you. You're kind of thankful you're a scrawny kid because it's getting a little crowded.

     Bro eases a sigh, putting on a mask of sadness. ‘M’parents died not long after little Dave here was born and we had no other family t’look after us.’

     'Do you have help? A girlfriend?

     Bro shakes his head, 'Don't got the time. Been workin' three jobs just t'keep a roof over our heads. Only got off work not long ago, brought him out here for some dinner.'

     The girls eat it up, tears in their eyes. You don't dare make a face at them, because it ruins the image. You're supposed to sit there and act the timid, shy baby brother.

     'Aw, baby, that's so sad!' the girl next to Bro coos, squeezing his massive forearm. She's leaning into him as she talks, pressing her big tits right against him. He's loving every second of it and it twists your stomach uncomfortably.

     'Bro,' you mumble. 'I gotta go t'the bathroom.'

     Bro nods, giving you a look only you can decipher, even from behind his shades. The way his brows knit together ever so slightly, a gesture only you're able to catch.

     You slip down from your seat and climb under the table so the girls don't have to move. On your way out, your hand dips into the purses of the girls on your side and slip their wallets into your oversized pockets before scurrying out from under the booth. The girls are so infatuated with Bro's sob story that they don't even notice you.

     You shuffle into the men's washroom, kick open a bathroom stall and lock it behind you. In total, you tug out 145$ and two gift cards - one for McDonald's and the other for a shoe store you can't figure out the name of. You tuck the money and cards into the ankle of your socks, close the wallets and go to the bathroom.

     After you wash your hands, you hide the wallets in your pockets and return to the booth. On your way in, you slip the wallets back into their appropriate bags and clamber up into your seat just as Bro starts off on another sob story of an ex-fiancée that you're certain he never had.

     'She was the love of m'life...' His shades are push up to his forehead and his fingers are rubbing his eyes. 'I thought we coulda been happy... I thought my lil bro would have a mother again...'

     'It okay, Bro...' you mumble, remembering your script. 'I'm fine jus' the two of us.' Your insides give an unpleasant squirm.

     The girl closest to you lets out a sob and wraps her arms around you, smushing your face into her boobs. Were these girls drunk or something? You have never seen anybody react to Bro's bullshit like this before. You can tell, though, that he's having the time of his life.

     The girls hang around you for another hour, engrossed in Bro's stories, before they have to go. The two on your side get up, grab their purses and give you both a pleasant wave before heading to the diner door. The girl on Bro's side, however, hesitates for a moment. She tells her friends she'll catch up with them, she's going to use the bathroom, and scurries off.

     Bro gets up once the other two girls are outside and follows after her and you know what they’re up to. If you crane your neck just far enough, you can see her slip into the men's washroom with him following after.

     More waiting. Your fries have gone cold and the waitress sweeps past to take your dishes. Since you're now sitting there alone, she gives you a smile and a small slice of warm apple pie, on the house. Apparently she heard Bro's story. You don't even want to touch it, but you do out of politeness.

     When the girl comes back, you catch her adjusting her skirt a little too openly and she's walking sort of funny. When she gets to your table, she's out of breath, red faced and wobbly. Without saying anything, or even looking at you, she drops 20$ on the table and hurries after your friends.

     Bro drops back into the booth moments after, a satisfied smirk spread on his face. When he's sure that the girls are gone and the waitress is nowhere near your booth, he turns to you.

     'How much didya get?' he asks, voice low.

     '145$ and two gift cards.'

     'Good haul, good haul,' he murmurs and holds his hand out for the spoils. You slip them out of your sock and place them in his hand so he can tuck them safely into his own pocket. 'A'right, lil dude. Let's bounce,' he says and gets out of the booth.

     You hurry after him, since he's not even waiting for you, and look back at the diner. The fries were good there, and the waitress was sweet. Shame you're never going to be going back there any time soon.

     You should be used to it by now, since it's always like that. You find a nice place, with nice company and nice food that isn't expensive and you can only go there once every few months. Sometimes, it's nearly a year before you return. It's the life you and Bro lead now - never going back to the same place more than once, at least not for a long while. Places keep changing, new faces keep appearing.

     The only constants in your life are Bro and the shitty apartment you live in.


	2. Chapter 2

It's July 12th and you're 10 years old.

     You're laying on your back, sprawled out on Bro's futon, playing a shitty video game. It's hot as hell today, so you're just wearing a tank top and your boxers. It's not like anybody will see you, since Bro is gone for the day anyway.

     Your phone goes off on the mattress next to you and it takes you a moment before you decide to check who's texting you. With your game controller resting on your stomach, you grab your phone and look at the messages. It's one of your friends, somebody you only recently started talking to.

     - - ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:27 - -

EB: hey dave!

EB: how's it going?

TG: hey man

TG: oh you know

TG: busy as ever

TG: you caught me as i was about to go do more important shit

EG: hahaha!

EG: you're just playing dumb video games aren't you?

TG: no man i am so fuckin busy rn

EG: uhuh.

EG: yeah i totally believe you.

TG: what do you want anyway

EG: wow grumpy.

EG: i just wanted to tell you my dad is taking me to the cottage for two weeks so i wont be on!

TG: aight

TG: cool

TG: have fun getting fucked by mosquitos

EG: we have bug spray!

TG: do you really think bug spray will keep them all away

TG: youre gonna have to bathe at some point

TG: thats when theyll get ya

TG: when your bug spray guard is down

EG: ew, dude!

TG: hahaha

TG: better watch out egbert or theyll suck you dry

EG: don't be so gross!

EG: i have to go now.

EG: later mr gross!

TG: yeah

TG: later dude

     - - ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 15:33 - -

     You stare at the last line for longer than you would have liked before letting your phone drop to your chest. Your eyes turn up to your ceiling, wondering what it would be like to be able to afford a cottage and be able to go places that aren't the dollar store or Walmart.

     Your game suddenly feels unappealing because you know it's probably pirated. You switch it off, set the controller on the floor and swing your legs off the futon.

     You don't like this life you live, but you don't hate it. You just wish you had a little more cash in your life, or a better place, or even genuine video games. You're not asking for the world, but maybe a few more grains of sand than the ones you have. You just wish you had enough money so it would stop hurting when your friends mention they're going away for vacation, or when their parents bought them a new game.

     You wipe your face with your fingers, feeling the edge of a headache coming closer. You take a deep breath and hold it. Two seconds. Ten seconds. Thirty seconds. Just long enough for the blood in your head to start pounding and a dull strobing comes into your vision. You let it out slowly so you don't get a head rush before standing up and padding barefoot to your room.

     With a sigh, you point your fans to your bed, turn them on full blast before climbing in. Your arm drapes over your eyes to block out the afternoon sun and your mind drifts.

*

     When you open your eyes again, you're surprised to see how dark it is outside. You fell asleep and it only confirms it when you hear thudding in the other room, followed by a bout of laughter. Bro is home, and it doesn't sound like he is alone. From the way you can hear him slurring his words, he's been drinking too. Probably explains why he was gone so long.

     Your eyes flick to the clock hanging on your wall and you squint in the darkness at the time - 3:09 AM. You lick your lips, cringe at the sour taste in your mouth, and sigh. You're going to need to go get some water because you are parched and your throat feels like sandpaper. You wonder if you can sneak into the kitchen without him knowing or if you'll get caught. Probably the latter, but by the way the other voice is squealing, they'll be a bit preoccupied.

     With silent footsteps, knowing which part of the floor creaks with which amount of pressure, you sneak out of your room and down the short hall that leads to the rest of the apartment. You slip through the door, keeping your eyes to the floor as you walk so you don't see anything indecent, and make your way to the kitchen corner.

     Just as you reach your hand up to the cupboard for a glass, the woman in Bro's bed lets out a shriek that doesn't sound like a pleasured one. You nearly jump out of your skin, dropping the glass in your hand onto the floor, shattering it in hundreds of pieces. You spin around in your spot, eyes wide as if you were a deer caught in a headlight.

     'A gh-ghost!' the girl cries before breaking into a giggle.

     Bro snorts, waving his head dismissively. 'Naw shjust my lil bro. Hey Davey you wahnna see a rheal woman?' he slurs and your skin prickles. You shake your head vigorously, but he's not taking no for an answer. 'C'mon, don' be a fuhkin' pussy,' he snaps.

     'Aw, juhst leave the lil ghostie alone,' the woman coos, running her hands down Bro's body.

     Bro grunts and thrusts against her, which gets her moaning again. 'Nah he's gohtta shee this shit if he gonna know whaat to do whith it,' he says.

     You swallow a thick lump in your throat, glance furtively in their direction before booking it to the bathroom. When you slam and lock the door behind you, a realization sets in. Pain is spiking up from the soles of your feet and when you look down at the tiled floor, you see your own bloody footprints.

     You choke back a sob and dig into the medicine cabinet for bandages and tweezers and stuff to clean the cuts and get to work while sitting on the closed toilet. It hurts and tears prick your eyes as you dig out the tiny shards of glass from the bottoms of your feet. You ignore the sounds in the other room as you continue to dig and dig until you're sure there's no more glass. Blood flecks your bare legs and coats your fingers, and your stomach clenches painfully. You've never been a fan of blood.

     When you cleaned the wounds and bandaged them, you sit back on the toilet and sigh. Your head is throbbing by this point and your throat is still tight from how dry it is. The back of your knuckles reach up to wipe away the tears that streaked your cheeks before you force yourself up on shaky legs to dip your face under the bathroom tap for some water, not even thinking about going back for another glass.

     Without cleaning up the mess you made in the bathroom or washing your hands, you shuffle into your room and climb back into bed. You'll deal with it in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year!


	3. Chapter 3

It's April 18th and you're 12 years old.

     This is the first time Bro ever hits you. It isn't the last.

     It all started because you got into a stupid fight at school a few days earlier. One of the other kids started macking on you and your shades, saying you were a blind pussy or some shit and when you told them to step off, they got a little too physical with their words. What they didn't realize was that Bro has been teaching you how to fight back, and Bro is a dirty fighter.

     By the time the teachers find you, you already have one of the kids on his front on the ground while you twist his arm back painfully. The heel of your shoe digs into his spine and you continue to twist and pull until the teacher has to forcibly pull you off him.

     You don't say a word. You don't make a sound. You just follow the teacher to the principal's office as the kid screams and cries. Do you feel sorry for him? No. He was picking on _you_ and you just showed him who not to fuck with.

     The adults are talking about what they're going to do, and they mention calling Bro. You hate this because you know it's not going to be pretty when he shows up. For any of you. You're positive Bro had a long night of drinking and fucking, which means an inevitable hangover today.

     Sure enough, after waiting for nearly an hour, Bro stomps into the office and shoots you a look. You don't flinch under his gaze, but your heart is pounding in your chest. You know you'll pay for this when you're home.

     Bro doesn't say anything as he marches into the principal's office. They're quiet for a moment and it has you on edge. The hairs on the back of your neck bristles at the imminent explosion. Sure enough -

     'Well I don't fuckin' CARE if you think it's inappropriate behaviour, if that lil' shit is harassing my brother then he had it comin! No, you don' understand! I didn't raise no goddamn pussy!'

     The entire office is quiet and you're so terrified you don't even move. The other office members are staring at the door as Bro's voice booms from within. Everybody is waiting on bated breath and you just kind of want to die right then and there.

     Bro nearly kicks the door down and stomps over to you. He crouches down in front and gets real close to your face. 'A'right, lil man. Let me make this fuckin' clear. Your idiot principal threatened us sayin' that if you don' shape the fuck up, you're gonna get the boot. Do you wan'to find another school?'

     You shake your head.

     'Use your voice,' he snaps.

     'No,' you say in a soft voice.

     'That's what I thought, lil man, 'cause I can't fuckin' afford to get you a bus pass. So you better stop being a lil prick to yer classmates, even if they deserve it.'

     You nod your head, but quickly stop when he gives you a look. 'Yes,' you say.

     'Tha's what I thought,' he grunts and stands up. He stalks out of the office and you hesitate before you scamper after him, head bowed as the two of you walk home.

**

     It happens again, only this time it's not your fault. You were hanging around outside near the school door during recess, waiting desperately to go back inside. You normally hate class but you have a bad feeling about today.

     You shut your eyes and tilt your head back, pressing it into the brick wall as you wait impatiently for the bell to toll. You just want this school year to be over with but you still have a few months until then. It isn't going to come soon enough.

     The group of boys who were picking on you earlier walk over and when you look at them, you start. One of the boys, the one you pinned before, is covered in blood and has a big gash on his lip. They're all grinning at you and with a quick look around, you notice there's no teachers nearby.

     'Lemme alone,' you say as calmly as you can. You even stuff your hands into your pockets to keep them still.

     They don't. You knew they wouldn't, but you wish they did.

     The bloodied boy starts jostling you and bursts out in big, fake tears screaming for help. His friends scatter to try and find a teacher meanwhile all the kids in the area stop and stare at the scene of you trying so damn hard to not look threatening.

     You stumble back, smacking the back of your head on the brick wall and finally you can't take it and push him off. 'Stop!' you cry out, but it doesn't do anything. The teacher already saw you push him back. He even "tripped and fell" for good measure, which got him crying even more.

     'Dave! Go to the principal's office now!' the teacher snaps.

     'I didn' do anythin' though!' you plead, but nobody's listening. A ball of ice falls into the pit of your stomach as you slowly move. Each step up to the school feels like your last. The long hallway down to the office feels like you're on death's row. You may as well be, because the teacher rushes in after you and tells the secretary to call Bro.

     You want to cry. You kind of start to. You curl up on the chair in the office, tears threatening to form in your eyes and you try to make yourself as small as possible. Bro's going to be pissed and you know he won't believe you. Nobody does.

     An hour and a half later, he storms into the office and doesn't say anything to you. He doesn't even look at you and you can tell from his body language alone he's hung over and pissed. You have never, ever seen him so angry and you kind of want to throw up.

     He goes into the principal's office, they talk for about five minutes and it's terrifyingly quiet. Then, Bro walks out, snaps his fingers at you and you both leave.

     He's quiet the entire walk home. He's quiet as you walk up to your apartment. He's quiet when you get inside, but he's not quiet when he turns on you. His jaw is set tight, and a vein is pulsing in his temple.

     'I got home a' five in t'fuckin' morning because of m'gig. I couldn' even get ta sleep til six coz I had t'make yer damn lunch,' he's too calm to be this mad and you want to run and hide. 'I warned you, lil man. I told ye'd get th'boot if ya didn' smarten th'fuck up. What do you have te say fer yer damn self?'

     You can't get the words out, just choke back a sob and it just makes him angrier. You can't even look at him because you're so damn ashamed of what happened. He grabs your arm, gives you a jerk and forces you to look at him.

     'Well?!' he snarls, shaking you again.

     'I-I'm sorry!' you whimper, eyes wide.

     'Well sorry ain' gonna get you back in that school now ain' it?'

     Big, fat, embarrassing tears are streaming down your face. You sob a little, trying to pry yourself from his vice-like grip, but he doesn't let go.

     'I told you not t'fuck with them! And ye didn' listen!'

     You shake your head and look away.

     'Look at me when I'm talkin' to ya!' He grabs you by the chin and forces your head up. For good measure, he rips your shades off and tosses them to the side. They skitter and slide until they hit the kitchen counter. 'What do I have t'do to ge' you to fuckin' listen t'me?!'

     'It s'not my fault!' you snap. 'They fuckin' pushed me around! I wasn' doin' nothin'!'

     Bro snorts, shoving you away with enough force to leave you stumbling to keep your balance. 'Whatever lil man. I give up tryna teach you how t'be a man.' He's walking away, leaving you standing there gripping your arm where he grabbed you.

     'What? A drunk asshole like you?' you say it so quietly but you regret it immediately because he has ears like a hound.

     In an instant, he's on you. In another, the back of his glove-clad hand is brought down on your cheek. You fall back with a thud and a gasp. The taste of blood fills your mouth and you bring a shaky hand to your lips and you can feel a large scrape. Your face is stinging, tears are flowing and you want to throw up.

     He's breathing heavy now and in a steely voice, points down the hall and says, 'Yer room. Now. Don' come out unless I say so.'

     You don't need to be told twice. You hurry up on shaky legs, grab your shades and run to your room, slamming the door behind you and lean on it. You slide down, fold in on yourself, and bawl your eyes out like the fucking baby you are.

     Turns out you didn't get expelled. Enough kids came forward and told them what happened, but you got a three day suspension, which is how long you were kept in your room. You were only allowed out for bathroom breaks, and the night before to shower. He gave you food by opening the door, dropping the plate or bowl or whatever on the floor, and closing it again.

     By the time you went back to school, your bruise was a bright yellow and your lip was a nice scab. Nobody bothered you after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing accents is hard


	4. Chapter 4

It's September 20th and you're 14 years old.

     Bro's been steadily keeping you in check but you're good at hiding it and you're good at faking everything is fine. Two of your friends are oblivious, but one catches on pretty quickly that you're not being genuine. She doesn't need to know the truth so you do your best to not even mention how much Bro beats your ass for being a dipshit. And yet, she persists.

     - - tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 11:09 - -

TT: So.

TG: sup

TT: My sources tell me that you have delved deep into the world of cosmetics. Specifically concealer.

TG: what

TT: Do tell me why.

TG: cant a dude want nice looking skin

TG: i mean shit

TG: didnt fuckin think it was illegal

TT: It's not.

TT: I find it quite charming, actually. Or if I would if I knew you weren't hiding something more than a zit.

TG: stop

TG: were not doing this again

TT: I am merely concerned, Dave.

TG: and i keep telling you to lay off

TG: besides

TG: how the fuck did you know

TT: Your last selfie. You're bad at matching, and, for that matter, blending.

TT: I could link you to a few YouTube videos explaining how to do it.

TG: no

TG: fuck no dont

TG: its not my fault they dont have my shade anyway

TT: I can search for other brands that may have your hues.

TG: jesus just stop

TT: Dave.

TG: rose

TT: Why did he hit you this time?

     You stop and glare at her words. How she knows this shit, how she's aware of your situation, pisses you off. You don't need her prying into your life. You don't need her making a big deal out of this. It's nothing you can't handle and it's nothing you can't deal with on your own.

     You go to tell her off again, to tell her to mind her own damn business, but you don't. Your mind drifts to the latest fight you had with Bro. This time it was definitely your fault for mouthing off at him when he threatened to throw your computer out. He didn't appreciate how ungrateful you were since it was his hard earned money that got you the best computer.

TG: he didnt

TT: Liar.

TT: You may have John and Jade fooled, but I know when you are lying, Dave. You're a shit liar.

TG: man will you just quit it

TT: Dave, I'm going to call you on Skype. You better answer.

     So she does, and you do hesitate to pick up, but you know she'll just get on your case even more for hiding. When your camera clicks on, you tactfully keep your head turned away just so the large purple bruise is hidden.

     'If your guardian didn't hit you, then why are you hiding your face?' was the first thing she asks you.

     You shrug your shoulders, 'Coz its embarrassing either way.'

     'What did you do?'

     'Man, I was at the park tryna do some tricks an' some asshole fuckin' tripped me when I was doin' a jump and I blew the pipe,' you say flatly. 'Fuckin dickwads tryna laugh me out of the park but I fuckin' showed them by doin' this sick 180 kickflip--'

     'Dave-' she tries to cut you off but you ignore her.

     '--down a set of stairs before peacin' it. That fuckin' showed them. I could hear their cheers as I dipped like. _Ooh Strider you got some sick moves, yo! Man, shit we're so sorry for ever doubting your cool abilities! Wow! So fuckin' cool!_ Like fuck off I know you wanna suck my dick you don't gotta tell me every five fuckin' minutes.'

     'Dave!' Rose snaps, stopping you a little too effectively. 'While I'm glad to hear you're blowing away the competition at the skatepark, not to mention how many skaters want to fall at your feet, you're avoiding the problem at hand: you're lying through your teeth about your brother beating you up.'

     You roll your eyes, raising your hands up derisively. 'Will you step off. You don' know what th'fuck yer talkin' about. We've just been Strifin' like normal dudes. I'm still learnin' so--'

     She scoffs. You frown. Both of you are silent for a long while before you finally turn your face to look at her. She stifles a gasp with her fingers when she sees the gnarly bruise spreading across your cheek. It's not even the worst of it - your shades are covering the rest. She doesn't need to see it.

     'Dave...'

     'It'snot as bad as it looks,' you reassure her in a quiet, timid voice that you've adopted but hate. You hate how weak it makes you sound and you hate how Bro thinks it makes you a pussy. You don't want to be seen that way, especially by him. Not after everything he's done for you.

     'You need to tell somebody,' she says. 'If not the police or Child Protective Services, talk to a teacher at school or a guidance counselor or--'

     'I'm not gonna fuckin' tell anybody, Rose.'

     'If you don't, I will.'

     'No! Please don't...' the desperation in your voice catches her off guard. She's staring at you, and not even the image of you on her screen. She's looking through the camera _at you_ , _through you._ 'Just... Don't worry 'bout it. I got this.'

     She sighs, looks away for a moment before turning back and looking at you again. 'Dave. I love you like a brother. It kills me knowing you're forcing yourself through this pain. If you refuse to talk to somebody professional, then can you at least talk to m--'

     'I have t'go,' you say, cutting her off and without letting her say anything else, you leave the call.

*

     Two weeks later, you find a small package at your door. Bro's been gone all day, and you're thankful because you don't want him getting nosy about your mail. You carry the box to your room, shut and lock your door and stare at the box. You have a sinking feeling you know what's inside, and giving it a little shake further confirms your suspicion.

     You use a pen to cut the tape, not even bothering to look at the label because you know who it's from. Sure enough, inside the box are various concealers from different brands. Most are roughly the same shade - some a bit lighter than others, others with different undertones.

     A note reads:

_Dave,_

_I know you're stubborn enough to not listen to my pleads, and while I don't approve, I want to help as much as you will let me. I went to various shops to find as many types of concealer that might match your skin tone. Hopefully at least one works._

_I do not appreciate enabling you in denying what is going on in your life, and I hate having to lie for you like this, but I trust you. I trust you will find a way out of this before your life is in even more danger. You're stronger than you let on, albeit fucking dumb at times. If anybody can find a solution out of this, it will be you._

_All my love,_

_Rose L._

     You stare that the note for a long while, re-reading the words over and over. The more you read it, the more a hard knot forms in your throat. You hate lying to her and treating her like this. You hate ignoring her help. You hate how weak you are for not being able to get away.

     Rose is wrong. You're not strong at all. You're a fucking coward. You're weak. You're pathetic and you're stupid. You don't know how to get out of this situation. You don't know how to tell somebody who can actually help.

     You slam your back against the door, slide down it and break. Silent sobs wrack your body as you hug yourself, the note crumpling in your fingers.

     'Help me...' you whisper between your tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter, another trope, another lack of somebody to proof read so apologies for any mistakes!


	5. Chapter 5

It's May 9th and you're 16 years old.

     It's raining buckets and you're outside getting drenched. You also get the worst idea of your life, but you make some friends?

     For the past few months, Bro's been on your case about getting a job. He very pointedly said that if you plan on living under his roof, you gotta get your own money because he's not going to spend a cent on you for being a leech. So that's what you've been doing. For weeks.

     You got Rose to help you write out a resume, which is a laughable thing because you have no prior work experience. She told you that it was fine for an entry-level job and to get prepared smelling like french fry grease for the next few years until you get your footing in the door.

     She's still on your case about Bro being a douche but you've gotten better. You haven't pissed him off _as much_ and ever since he told you to get a job, he avoids your face as much as possible. You guess you're kind of thankful? At least you don't have to spend more money on fucking makeup anymore.

     But all of that is why you're currently outside in this shit weather. You got into a heated argument with Bro that morning about not coming back until you go through your stack of 20 resumes. Which is a feat considering you already dropped off a plethora of resumes the last few weeks. The City is only so big and there are only so many places that will take a resume that has nothing other than _can type fast, can create music, can do board tricks._

     You stop on a corner and lean back against the wall, keeping out of the rain as much as possible. You take a deep breath, a shiver chasing down your spine, and you wish you brought an umbrella or at least a raincoat or something.

     What a miserable fucking day.

     Footsteps to your left draws your attention and you turn your head in the direction. A group of women were wandering around in large coats and umbrellas. They stop half a foot from you and one holds an umbrella over your head with a warm smile.

     You glance up at it for a moment, then back at them, raising a brow.

     'Sup,' you say casually, hooking your fingers on your pockets.

     'Little kitten is soaked,' the one holding the umbrella says.

     'Why're you out here?' another asks.

     'Y'know,' you roll your shoulders in a casual shrug, maintaining a neutral facade. Or tried to. You're still shivering. 'Just lookin' for work.'

     'Oh, honey,' the umbrella holder sighs. 'You're not gonna make no money out in the rain. The johns don't like getting their suits wet.'

     'Wait--' you don't like what they're implying.

     'Not even Ariel can make a decent income out here,' the third woman said with a sage node.

     'What?' you try to ask but they act like they can't hear you.

     'No, but she still makes a bangin' buck.'

     'Jealous of that bitch.'

     Then all three burst out laughing, leaving you standing there perplexed. You have no idea who any of these women are and you kind of want to run home. Before you can take a step back, they stop laughing and look back at you.

     'Hun, this is your first time out here ain't it?' Umbrella asks.

     'First time for what? Are you...' You stop, eyes widening behind your shades. You let out a snort, shake your head and hold your hands up. 'I'm not... I can't... I'm--'

     'Oh! You're not trying to look work for _yourself_ are you?' One of the other women asked.

     You flash them a grin, shrugging again. 'Naw, 'm just tryna find a job an' got caught in the rain.'

     Umbrella sighs with relief, 'Thank Christ. You's just a baby. The johns would eat you up in no time. Wouldn' want somebody pretty like yous to throw away your life like that.'

     'Whats yer name, kid?' The third woman asked.

     'Dave Strider,' you say.

     In unison, all three women _ooh'd._ You stare at them, confused as ever.

     'You Dirk's baby brother ain't ya?' Umbrella asks with a mischievous grin.

     Your stomach clenches at his name. It catches you off guard hearing it, since you're so used to calling him Bro. You rarely ever hear his first name. You're not surprised in the slightest, however, that he's slept with hookers but you're not really into thinking about it.

     'Y-Yeah...' you mumble, wanting to hide again.

     'My name's Alicia, this is Regina,' she gestures to the woman holding the umbrella. 'And that's Kiki,' she gestures to the quiet one of the three, who gives a small wave.

     You nod at all three of them in greeting, and glance tentatively around. The rain's starting to come down harder, and the cold is starting to set in your bones. You silently pray that Bro hasn't used all the hot water by the time you get home.

     'It's okay, baby,' Alicia hums, warm and soothing. 'We won't tell him nothin'. You just best get home.'

     'Thanks,' you mumble and give them a smile. Not your usual toothy smile, but a slight upturn of your lips. Genuine.

     As you turn to go, Kiki speaks up, 'The next time we see you, babe, it best be because you're just sayin' hi.'

     Looking over your shoulder, you flash them the peace sign before running to the metro.

**

     When you get home, you spot Bro drinking beer on the couch. From what you can see on the TV, he's not going to be in any mood to deal with you. Porn is blaring from the speakers and you feel bad for your neighbours. They're probably tired of your shit, so who knows, maybe they're deaf to you.

     Bro doesn't greet you and you don't greet him, which suits you just fine. You just hang your sweater up to dry, slip your shoes off and quietly pad towards the bathroom, successfully undetected. Or if you were, he didn't give a fuck.

     You strip your soggy clothes off and toss them into a pile on the floor before cranking the hot water up in the shower. You know it takes a few minutes for the hot water to get to a decent, but when you test it with your hand, it's still frigid. You have a feeling you're not getting your hot shower because even after waiting nearly ten minutes for the water to heat up, it only gets luke warm at best.

     That pisses you off. You yank the water off, grab a towel, wrap it around your waist and stomp out of the bathroom.

     'What th'fuck, man?' you snarl. You're too cold and tired to try and keep calm. 'You fuckin' used all the hot water!'

     Bro is on his feet in an instant. Normally you'd falter but right now, you don't care. 'Didya pay the hot water bill this month?' he asks, and you know where he's going with this. 'No, so shut th'fuck up. Until ye do, you got no control over nothin'.'

     'That's fuckin' bullshit,' you snap.

     Bro raises a brow as he walks around the couch and stops in front of you. 'I don' think it is, lil man. You wanna know why?' he asks and bends down so you're eye level. You can smell the booze off his breath and you do everything to not recoil. 'Because I pay th'fuckin bills an' ye do jack shit all goddamn day. I go to work, I ge' the paycheck and you,' he prods you in the chest with a finger. 'Do _nothin'._ '

     You growl, jaw clenching, biting back your words.

     'Oho,' Bro barks a laugh. 'Ye gettin' mad at me?'

     'I've been out all fuckin' day in the rain tryna find a fuckin' job. I'm fuckin' cold and all I want is a goddamn shower!' you seethe. 'An' I can't even do that because you used up all the hot water!'

     'Tha's not my problem now is it,' Bro asks, standing up. You glare at him as he moves to the kitchen corner to grab a beer from the fridge.

     'No, of course not. Why should you care?' you mumble, turning to stalk back to your room, but you don't get far.

     'What th'fuck did you just say to me, you little shit?' Bro snarls.

     'Jesus, forget it,' you sigh, but he won't let you go. He grabs your arm and drags you back and forces you to face him.

     'Use your fuckin' words lil man, coz I'm real curious about what ye haveta say to me,' he hisses and stares you down.

     You are so, so tired of today and you're tired of him. You're tired of how he treats you, his drinking, the way he turns everything into your problem.

     You're done.

     'Stop bein' a fuckin' asshole to me for once in yer goddamn life!'

     It's a good thing you're an agile son of a bitch because you duck just in time as the Bro's beer bottle goes straight for your head, shattering behind you. You stare at him with saucer eyes and dodge as he makes a grab for you.

     He's not saying anything, and that's what scares you the most. He's just breathing hard, face set straight and jaw tight. In one fluid moment, you barely have time to register, he has a sword drawn from god knows where, and his hand wrapped around your throat. He pins you to a wall, the tip of the blade an inch from your throat and you're so scared he's going to kill you. Tears well up in your eyes and you blink them back, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that you're scared shitless. You're going to die. Bro is going to kill you. You keep replaying it over and over in your head as you stare him down.

     You don't move, aside from the tremble in your body and your rapidly shuddering chest. You swallow a thick lump in your throat, and he still doesn't move a muscle. He knows he's got you and there is nothing you can do about it.

     After what feels like an eternity, Bro slowly lowers the sword and tosses it to the side before bringing the back of his hand across your face. He does it again, and again, until you lose your balance and hit the floor. He rolls you onto your back with his foot and pins you down by the stomach with his heel. You choke and sputter and grab his ankle to try to push him off, but he shakes his leg and then presses down harder. Your ribs are bending and you're so scared they're going to break.

     He considers you for a long while, just staring down at you through his shades. His eyes pierce you, even if you can't see them. You stare back at him, shaken to your core.

     'Clean up the mess,' is all he says to you before removing his foot from your gut. He walks back to the kitchen, grabs a fresh beer and returns to the couch.

     You're winded, but you force yourself up on shaky legs and grab a roll of paper towel to clean up the mess. You want to throw up, you want to cry, but you keep your head bowed and hurry into your room. You pull on a pair of pyjamas and go the fuck to bed, not even bothering to check your messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> managing three characters that dont get names until the very end of the scene is fun (not)


	6. Chapter 6

It's May 13 and you're 16 years old.

     You're outside, wandering the streets late at night. Bro kicked you out of the house because he had a date coming over and he didn't want you nosing around. It suited you just fine, since you didn't really want to hear them snort coke off each other's dicks and fuck loudly in the living room for god knows how many hours. At least it's not raining this time.

     The streets are almost as busy as they usually during the day, but instead of people going to work or shopping, it's filled with drunks, druggies and whores. A fight breaks out down the street - girls scream, guys yell and all of them slur their words before scrambling out of an alley. You watch them run down the street, darting across the road and almost getting hit and snort.

     Your phone is going off. It's Jade.

 

     - - gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:41 - -

GG: hi dave!

TG: hey

GG: we havent talked in a while so i wanted to see how you were!

TG: oh

TG: didnt we talk like two days ago

GG: thats too long! :B

TG: aight

TG: fair

TG: whats up

GG: what are you doing right now??

TG: chillin

TG: just walkin around outside tryin to get some air

GG: oh me too!!

GG: i just woke up so i felt like a morning walk would be perfect!

TG: jesus christ

TG: either you live on the other side of the world or you have a worse sleep schedule than me

GG: hahaha silly!!

GG: nobody can have a worse sleep schedule than you

TG: lol

TG: you got me there

GG: are you okay?? :/

TG: yeah why

GG: i heard you weren't feeling too great lately

GG: im worried about you!!

TG: gdi

TG: did rose say something

TG: dont tell me rose said something

GG: okay i wont tell you rose said something!!

     You clench your jaw, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk. People shoot your glares as they walk around you, a few even bumping into you but you don't care. God damn Rose, getting in your business and telling people you're fucked up.

TG: fuck

TG: that girl needs to step the hell off

GG: so something is wrong!!

TG: no

TG: everything is fine

GG: :/

TG: im serious

TG: what did she say

TG: be honest harley

GG: she didnt give me details or anything!!

GG: she just said that you were dealing with some stuff!!

TG: well yeah no shit im dealing with stuff

TG: ive been tryin to find a job

TG: im busy

GG: i wish i could help!!

TG: thanks

TG: but i got it handled

GG: okay!!

GG: if youre sure!!

GG: i just dont like knowing my friends are in bad places when i cant help them!!

TG: thanks harley

TG: appreciate it

GG: oh i have to go

GG: bec wants to play

GG: bye dave!!

TG: later

     - - gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 21:58 - -

 

     Before you're done with your phone, you open another quick message to Rose.

 

     - - turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 21:59 - -

TG: stop fucking telling people im dealin with shit

TG: im not a goddamn charity case

\- - turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 12:00 - -

 

     You slip your phone into your pocket and heave a deep sigh. Your fingers pull your hoodie tighter around you, hands tucking under your arms to keep warm. Even though it's a warmish evening, you're freezing. Probably because you feel exposed from your friends butting into your lives.

     You run a hand through your hair, the strands falling back into place. You eye every car that drives past, a knot in your stomach forming each time.

     Is this... Something you want to go through? The closest thing to a sexual counter you've ever had was watching shitty porn on the computer with your hand. It wasn't even high quality HD subscription porn. Just shitty stuff you found while accidentally browsing the internet normally. Hell, you haven't even kissed somebody before.

     You let out a shaky breath, steeling yourself, and move on. Nobody's paying you any attention and you're silently grateful, even if that's why you're out in the first place. A few dudes watch you like a hawk, but you're pretty sure they're just trying to figure out if it's worth jumping you and taking all your money. You cast them a glance and keep moving.

     'You better be here because you wanna hang.'

     You jump a mile at the voice, and when you turn around, you recognize the owner of it. Kiki.

     You give her a half smile, but she doesn't return it. She actually looks pretty pissed of. You feel uncomfortable and ashamed.

     'Come,' she snaps her fingers at you, and when you don't make any means of moving, she rolls her eyes and grabs your wrist. She drags you off the street, down an alley and through a back door. You can tell by the way she's walking that she's pissed and you feel so fucking guilty.

     Up a flight of stairs, down a dark hallway and outside and apartment. She pushes the door open, shoves you inside and grabs you by the shoulders.

     'Look,' she says, dropping her silky smooth voice, and adopting a more rough one. 'We meant what we says.' She shrugs off her coat, hangs it up and points to one of two chairs near the kitchen. 'You'll get slaughtered out here, so why the fuck are ya back?'

     You sit down, unsure of what to say.

     Kiki sighs, grabbing a kettle and filling it with water before placing it on the stove. A few clicks later, and a gentle heat is rolling under it. 'If you say you jus' want the attention...'

     It _is_ something that crossed your mind, but you have stronger motives. 'I'm desperate for money,' you mumble. 'Bro keeps holdin' it over my head and doin' shit that makes it hard to live.'

     Kiki leans back against the counter, arms crossed. 'I know Dirk better than you wanna admit, and I know for a fact he didn' raise no dummy,' she ignores the wince you make and keeps going. 'He raised you to have a head on yer shoulders, so why the fuck're you playing the fool?'

     You look down at your hands in your lap, at a loss of words. Bro was always so hard on you, and you figured it was because he wanted you to be the best you could be. But is it justified?

     Kiki places her hand on the table and leans in close to you. 'Is this how you wanna get back at him?' she asks, and points to the bruise across your face. You avoid her gaze. 'I know yous ain't the type to get inta fights.'

     You sit back and give her a shake of the head. You only picked one fight in your life, and that was when you were twelve. You paid for it. You learned you place.

     The kettle starts whistling and Kiki turns her back to you. She pulls two mugs down, drops a teabag in each one and fills them with water. She hands you a mug, sits across from you, and places her hands on the table as if she was conducting an interview.

     'Aight,' she smiles. 'Let's fig'er it out, then.'

     'What?'

     'How old are you?'

     'Sixteen, wh--'

     'And you think it's smart for you to work the streets? _Jesus._ How much work experience do you got?'

     'None, but--'

     'Are you good at handling a fast paced environment?'

     'I guess, but--'

     'Can you deal with long shifts at weird hours?'

     'I'm in high school still, but--'

     'Can you handle both?'

     'I mean, yeah. School's a breeze and summer's almost here, but--'

     Kiki nods, 'He may be a prick, but you might survive, especially since you have Dirk as your brother...' Then she claps her hands together, hurries to her coat and grabs her phone.

     Few seconds later, she's talking to somebody. 'Hi baby. Yous still lookin' for some help? Naw, but he's got a pretty face and can deal with bullshit. Yeah, I thought so, too. Four o'clock? Alright, cool. Love you, Leo!' and she cans up and turns back to you. 'Baby, you're lucky your brother fucks well, because he gon' owe me.'

     You choked on the tea you were just sipping and sputter. 'Wh-What?!'

     Kiki grins, 'I just gots you a job. It's at a deli, and Leo's a hardass but I figure you could deal with anythin' the world has to throw at you by now.' She sits back down, folds one leg over the other and sips her tea with a knowing look.

     'Thank you,' you whisper, unsure of what else to say.

     'Aw, kitten, don't worry about it. Just make sure you're there on time and don't mouth off at him or the customers. Now drink your tea 'fore it gets cold,' she says.

**

     You get home after spending the last hour and a half chatting with Kiki about everything and anything. You found out she was married once, which ended in a sticky divorce, and that she took to this life when she was only twenty. She wanted nothing more in life than to be a mother and have kids and a family but her circumstances didn't exactly allow her to do it.

     She gave you her number in case you ever needed help or advice or just somebody to talk you out of being dumb. You appreciate it. You appreciated _her_ because even though she knows more about your situation than your friends, she never pressured you about it.

     You slip through the front door, carefully tip toe into the bathroom for a piss and a shower before heading to your room.

     You have several messages from your friends, most just checking in on you but one from Rose calling you, in your own words, a dumbass prick. You fire off an apology before going to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like kiki


	7. Chapter 7

It's January 6th and you're 18 years old.

     Your life is going so well, as well as it can be, but you're a fucking idiot tonight.

     So much has happened to you in the past two years that it hardly feels like any time has passed at all. You pull in enough hours at work for Bro to stop being a dick to you about paying bills and part of the rent, but you still have enough money left over for your own shit. He's also stopped beating you... As often. But that could be because you're barely at home anymore. When you're not at school or work, you're out skating or hanging out with a few people you met while working at the deli, which is going as smoothly as you could have hoped.

     Kiki wasn't lying when she said Leo was hardass, but after a few weeks of you being there, he seemed to warm up to you. Whether it be because he knows he can push you pretty far before you snap, or because you bring in  _ a lot _ of customers. Young, old, men, women. It doesn't matter. You're hot and have a charming personality. It's a perfect combo when working with the public. Leo's so happy about his business booming that he even told you that, once high school is done, you can have a full time job there.

     Fucking. Sweet.

     Your friends online have started making plans about coming to visit for the summer, since they know it's hard for you to get time off work. You feel kind of bad that you can't all jump in a minivan and go on a road trip like a teen movie about finding yourselves and romancing each other, but John made fun of that the moment you hit enter so you stopped feeling bad at all. Because fuck John.

     The weird thing is, it'll be your first time meeting each other. All of you at once. Rose came down for a short visit last year because her mother had a business meeting, but you only got to hang with her for a few hours before she got whisked away. It was one of the best days of your life and the thought of seeing her again made you almost giddy. Hell, seeing all of them was making your mood infinitely better every day.

     It started to show, too. You sort of dropped the cool kid aloof act when you found out about their plans and adopted a more bright personality. Mostly. Bro even noticed and asked if you were on drugs but more specifically, where he could get some.

     You... Think he was joking? It's hard to tell, really.

     The only thing that hasn't changed was your sex life. You've been so busy that you don't even have time to rub one out anymore most of the time, and when you do, it has to be fast because you usually have to get out of the house for whatever reason so it's far from being satisfactory.

     You get asked out by loads of people, guys and girls, and whenever you say yeah, something always gets in the way and you can't even go beyond second base and it's frustrating.

     It's so frustrating, and you're so sexually frustrated, that you find yourself walking around in the dead of night, trying to get your mind cleared. It's nights like this that not even the best porn (which you can now afford,) doesn't even help. No amount of moaning, grinding, screaming and heavy breathing can get you to the climax you want and you just want to scream out all your pent up energy. In many, many senses of the word.

     As you're walking, a car creeps up next to you but you don't even pay attention to it.

     'Hey, you friends with that whore Kiki?' the man driving asks. That gets your attention.

     You stop and peer into his car, 'Who wants to know?'

     'Just wonderin' is all. What're your rates?'

     It clicks what he meant by  _ friends  _ and you tense up, your heart hammering. 'Depends on what you're asking for,' you have no fucking idea why you just said that. Well, you do, but you want to pretend you don't.

     'Just a blowie,' is all he says.

     'For who?'

     'You.'

     It goes straight to your dick. You straighten up and glance around. Not a lot of people are on the streets at this time of night, and those who are, don't even notice you. You could do this, and get it over with so you can go back to sleep, or you can be actually smart and tell the guy to fuck off. But when have you ever been smart in your life?

     'Depends on how good y'are,' you say, and open the car door. 'I'm not cheap.'

     The man smiles as you get into the passenger's seat. His car smells like stale cigarette smoke and cheap cologne and your stomach churns, but it could also be nerves. You get a good look at him before the lights dim: he's in his mid-forties, you're guessing. Disheveled, a beer gut, and a suit that doesn't really fit him. His car isn't anything to write home about and there's a stupid fucking pair of pink fuzzy dice hanging off his mirror. They're small, maybe each die the size of a grape, but the fact that he has them at all makes your laugh internally.

     As he drives off, his hand reaches over and slides across your thigh, resting right against the crease between it and your dick. He doesn't go any further, doesn't move his hand, just leaves it there and your skin burns under his touch. Your face feels a little warm, too, but you hope the darkness of the car masks it.

     Your phone goes off in your pocket, and when you check who it's from, your stomach drops.

 

     - - tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:04 - -

TT: Whatever you are planning to do, don't.

TT: I'm serious, Dave. Don't be fucking stupid.

     - - tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 2:04 - -

 

     You're suddenly breaking out in a cold sweat, but you can't back down now. You're already this far and you're so, so desperate.

     The john drives you to a shitty motel on the other side of the city, buys a room for an hour and beckons you to follow him. It's a god awful room, birdshit green and carrot orange and it looks like it was ripped right out of a 70s Macy's magazine. You roll your eyes at the colour choices.

     The man delicately takes your arm and guides you to the bed and if your heart was pounding any harder than it was, you would probably go into cardiac arrest. He gestures you to sit, and you do on the edge of the bed, and he steps back to look at you.

     'Take your glasses and shirt off,' he breathes, adjusting his tie.

     'The shades stay on,' you say flatly.

     'But I wanna see your pretty eyes.'

     'Sorry, dude. They ain't comin' off.'

     'That'll lower how much I pay ya.'

     You shrug your shoulders, 'Don't care.' He goes to say something else, but you expertly tug your shirt off without your shades even budging. It shut him up real fast, seeing you sitting there half naked, and it gives you a jab of power.

     He doesn't say anything, just grunts and gets on his knees in front of you. His fingers fumble with the button on your pants before he pops it open, tugs your zipper down and pulls your jeans down so the waistband is resting around your thighs.

     You lean back as his fat fucking fingers start yanking on your boxers, and you press your head into the mattress, staring hard up at the ceiling. You can't believe you're doing this. The first time anybody's going to touch your dick like this and it's a fat old man.

     He doesn't even wait before he's mouthing at the skin on your hips, and he's making small, weird grunting noises every time he finds a new spot. It leaves your skin crawling, but you force yourself to ignore it, to disassociate from it.

     You squeeze your eyes shut, biting down on the tip of your tongue as he finds a new place to suck. It sends sparks down your spine as the heat of his mouth wraps around the head of your cock. The scratchiness of his beard brushes against your thighs, which tense. His hands roam up your body, exploring every inch of you, and all you can do is picture anybody else but this guy.

     It works. Sort of. You're definitely pulling yourself away from what you're doing and you sort of gaze in on what's going on. Your face is flushed, your hands are gripping the bed sheets and your chest is rising and falling rapidly. He's more or less curled up with his head in your lap, swallowing you down like you're the first meal he's hand in a while.

     The more he sucks, the more he grunts, the more he touches you, the more you pull yourself away from it. You're doing everything you're supposed to automatically - breathing hard, gripping the sheets, moaning, but you don't actually feel yourself there anymore. He doesn't know the difference, so it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. You don't  _ feel _ anything.

     Then it's over. A build up, a groan, your hips jerking as you finish. He licks it up, swallows it down and pulls away, leaving you exposed on the bed.

     You hear him moving, standing up and coming closer. His legs push yours apart, and he stands there, hovering over you. You only look at him when you hear the sound of his belt buckle clinking, the fly on his pants coming down. You know what he's going to do, but you don't care.

     He fists his dick, stroking it vigorously until he's making a mess all over you and you just take it. You give him a lazy smile, reach a finger down to collect some of his cum, and bring it to your mouth.

     The man smiles, and you can't decipher the meaning behind it, but he doesn't do anything else. He just tucks himself back in, pulls his wallet out and tosses you your money, even though you didn't make any agreement. You don't care. Nothing matters. You gather it, hike up your pants and boxers, and leave.

**

     It's only when you're home does it register what the fuck you did. You're in a daze as you shower, scrubbing the scent of him off you. You make a mental note to do laundry tomorrow, because those were your last clean jeans and shirt.

     In your room, and after you tug on some pyjamas, you count how much he gave you. 80$. For a blowjob and whatever the fuck you want to call whatever he did afterwards. You don't know, your brain is fried.

     But the most important part about this was the fact that you just got blown by a stranger  _ for money _ . He  _ paid  _ you to let him suck you off. It... Kind of makes you feel good, having that sort of control over another person. Having that sort of attention.

     You stare at the money in your hand and wet your lips. If it's 80$ for a blowjob... How much could you get for something more? What about if  _ you _ were the one to do it?

     'Shit,' you sigh as you stuff the money in your wallet and climb back into bed.


	8. Chapter 8

It's June 29th and you're 18 years old.

     Your friends are on their way to visit you and you're an absolute disaster.

     Over the last few months you've been working your ass off at the deli. You sometimes, in your free time, go over to Kiki's place and have tea with her. She really, really likes tea. On top of that, you've also been fooling around, making dough. You got a bank account for any of the cash you make from whoring yourself out. Somewhere tucked away safely so Bro doesn't find it.

     He almost did - he went through your wallet (the hypocritical fucker,) for any cash he can snag and found a bank card. He didn't whup your ass for it, shockingly, but he did make it clear that if he ever caught you squirreling money instead of contributing to the bills, you wouldn't be able to sit properly for a year.

     You've been so busy living your life that you forgot you friends were supposed to come down for a few weeks, and you only remembered the night before when John messaged you asking if you were ready to party. You weren't, especially since you received this message while choking down some dude's cock. That was a fun thing to explain to the guy, and you did feel kind of bad for nearly throwing up in his lap so you gave him a discount.

     When you were done  _ working _ you raced up and cleaned up the place as best as you could, ie chucked everything that was trash or could possibly be trash into garbage bags and dragged them downstairs. Laundry? You piled it up into more garbage bags and spent the next two hours taking up eight laundry machines, pissing off the other patrons. You felt bad they had to wait so you paid for their laundry.

     As for food, fuck it you'll eat out for the time they're there.

     When Bro saw the place actually looking clean, he was stunned, but he didn't offer to help. No, he just chucked his shit onto the floor, grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down in front of the TV. Of course he would. Why should he ever play the adult in this fucking place.

     When you're sure the place looks at least habitable, you collapse in your bed and don't wake up until it's really late and you only wake up to your phone going haywire.

     Ten minutes later, you're on the metro heading to the airport and your nerves are shot. You're going to be meeting your friends for the first time face to face. All four of you. Their hotel rooms are already booked, since you wouldn't ever let them stay at your place with Bro around (you used the excuse of too tiny of a place.)

     You get there twenty minutes before John and Rose are supposed to arrive and you take this time to calm the fuck down. Or try to. You can't find a groove to jive with, you just keep your earbuds firmly planted in your ears with your music blaring, while your hand grips your phone a little too hard. You keep checking your messages, keep an eye on the landing schedule, and wait.

     Then, a buzz, followed by several more buzzes. You can tell who sent which messages from the rapid speed of the buzzes. Rose announces once, John's probably losing his shit. You are also losing your shit but you'd like to think you're playing it real, with your back to the wall, one foot propped against it, and your hands in your pockets. To the unsuspecting eye, you're cool as a fuck. Internally, you're losing your shit and having a panic attack. Perfect.

     Just as you're calming down, thinking you got this, you hear something that flips a switch and suddenly you don't got this. In fact, that bubble of panic has exploded and your heart is hammering as you hear your name being called from the other side of the airport.

     Then, they're there. Feet away from you. John's grinning like a fool and Rose has a gentle smile creasing her features. She hangs back as John beelines straight for you, and you don't even get a word in before he yanks you into a tight hug. He's... Bigger than you were expecting. You've seen photos of him, and of course through Skype, but you never really registered how big he actually was.

     'H-Hey, John,' you grunt, patting his back as he squeezes the air out of you. You look over his shoulder at Rose, who gives you a look that either means she's enjoying the show or she knows  _ you're  _ enjoying the hug. Or both. 'Sup, Rose.'

     John finally lets you go and you're winded from it, but brush it off as no big deal.

     'Hi, Dave!" he grins, and you give a small wave.

     You gotta say it, and you're only going to say it to yourself and only once:  _ fuck _ he's hot.

     Rose pushes John aside and slides her arms around you for a hug. She smells like clean linen and nice perfume and comfort.

     'It's good to see you again,' she says, then places her mouth near your ear. 'Nice job keeping it cool,' she whispers.

     You can feel heat creeping up your neck, and you barely get a chance to whisper, 'I'm not gonna jump him or nothin',' before John's practically hopping up and down with excitement.

     'Jade's coming later, right?' he asks as you two disengage from each other.

     'I think she said her flight was coming in at 10 o'clock central time,' Rose says and checks her phone. 'That gives us several hours.'

     'Well, I'm hungry,' John announces. The moment he says it, you realize you haven't eaten since yesterday.

     'We can stop by the hotel to drop yer shit off then grab some food,' you shrug. Both nod in agreement.

     The three of you pick up the rest of their luggage and head out of the airport. They managed to get a hotel that was smack dab in the middle of the city, the perfect place for all their touristy needs.

     On their way down, John's mentioning how he's always wanted to go to Texas since his father has made a few trips down there for business meetings. Rose mentions she's gone a few times, but mostly her trips have been in Europe or California. You keep your mouth shut because you've never left the city once. You could never afford it growing up, although now that you've been saving...

     The hotel is nice, and they managed to get rooms side by side. Rose and Jade decided to share a room together with John on his own. He has two beds, and part of you wants to ask if you can stay with him, but you have no reason to, since you have a home. Then, as you think about it, you know John would be cool about it, but then he might want you to explain why and it's a huge mess in your head so you just eye his bed warily and don't say anything.

     Rose is the first to be done putting her stuff away in her room, and she steps into the room next to you. You stand there, both of you watching John move around in a flurry trying to find something.

     'What is he... looking for?' Rose asks tentatively.

     'Shit, his marbles? I don't know,' you mumble back.

     'Where is she!' John cries.

     'Who?'

     'Casey!!'

     'Oh my  _ fuckin' _ god, John. Are you tellin' me tha' you brought your motherfuckin' stuffed  _ rabbit _ ?' you let out a laugh. John just frowns at you and goes back to looking for it.

     'John, have you checked you back pack?' Rose holds back her own smile with an excellent poker face.

     John shakes his head, then fishes through his backpack. Finally, he lets out a breath and holds the stuffed rabbit to his chest. 'I thought I lost you!'

     You look at Rose curiously. She just shrugs and says, 'I saw it's ear poking out of the top while we were on the plane.'

     'Ah, so yer weird psychoanalyzin’ psychic bullshit only works on me?'

     'Only because of how predictable and easy to read you are,' she flashes you a smile and you scowl back.

     'Hey, Egbert, are ya done? Thought you were hungry,' you turn from her, and she just smiles wider.

     'Oh, right. I am!' John carefully, almost as if it was literally a child, places the bunny on his bed by the pillows. He even tucks it under the covers and kisses it on the top of its head. Rose has to leave the room and you just stare at him with your eyebrows raised.

     The three of you hop the metro and you take them to a diner you used to love going to as a kid. Somehow, the waitress is the same, and she recognizes you. There's a moment where you're brought back to a simpler time, where you and Bro would work together to con people out of a shit ton of money.

     The waitress stops and stares at you, casts a glance the booth you used to sit in when you were younger, and gives you a warm smile. You just nod back, and slip into the booth with your friends.

     'Dave, does that waitress know you?' Rose asks, sitting across from you. John's sitting next to you by the window.

     You nod. 'Bro used to take me here a lot when I was a kid,' you explain.

     'Why'd you stop?' John asks as he pulls out a menu and starts browsing through it.

     'Change of taste,' you lie, but he believes you.

     Somehow, and you don't want to know how, but Rose picks up something in the way you responded and stares at you. How she can figure you out that easily is honestly terrifying, but she changes the subject because she knows John's about to pry more into it.

     'So, John,' Rose says. 'Tell Dave about the movie we watched on our way here.'

     Something nags at you that Rose also has ulterior motives.

     John's face lights up and he goes into a speech about the cheap action flick the two of them saw. He's animated and even making sound effects and the only time he stops is to give the waitress his order before going right back into it. Rose just nods, corrects him on a few things, but otherwise remains silent.

     You, however, are hanging onto everything. Well, except what he's  _ actually _ saying because you flat out don't give a fuck, but the way he talks, the way he moves, the way he's so damn excited about a shitty movie. Your face is turned just enough for you to see him from the corner of your eye, so you can absorb his physical presence, but not enough for it to look like you're actually staring at him.

     The food arrives just as John's finished and he needs to take a drink because he's so out of breath, which gets the three of you laughing.

     You like this. You like this a lot. You like being around your friends and laughing and joking and having fun. Sure, some of the people you hang out with from work are great and all, but they don't know half the shit about you that only comes from being friends with you for years. This is something you've always wanted to have, and even if it's for a short time, you finally have it.

     The food is just as good as you remember it, and you feel kind of bad that you never went back to this place. You knew the rules of avoiding it for at least a year, but Bro never took you back. Even when you asked him, he just told you to fuck off or something, so you put the place out of your mind. Now that you more or less do whatever you want, you see no reason why you shouldn't come back more often.

     Rose is going off on one of her tangents about the latest stunt her mother pulled, and John is engrossed as ever. He gasps at the right moments, nods enthusiastically, and his eyes don't leave her. You take this opportunity to look his profile over, and _boy._ He's way hotter than in person. He smells kind of nice, too.

     A man walks into the diner and past your booth, brushing a hand against your arm as he does so. When you look up, he's halfway to the bathroom, looking back at you. You know what he's asking.

     'Hey, Rose this is great an' all but I gotta piss, so...' you slip out of the booth. 'If the waitress comes back, ask for some apple pie.'

     Rose gives you an incredulous look which you choose to believe it's because you're not going to listen to the rest of her story, but you have an idea that it's not the case and that she knows what you're planning on doing. She doesn't say anything, just turns her head away in a small huff and goes back to talking to John.

     You slip into the bathroom, push open all the stall doors until you find the one the john is waiting in. A small exchange, he slips you some money and you lock the door behind you.

     His hands are on you in a heartbeat. He shoves you against a stall wall, fingers yanking open your jeans and pulling them down to your knees. You're already hard, and you hate how much your body thirsts for this type of contact, but it craves it.

     You let the man go down on you, pulling your hips forward so your shoulders press into the cold metal stall wall. Your hand is busying itself in his hair, your hips rocking into his eager mouth. It doesn't take long for you to start to disassociate. It never does.

     You're silent save for a few soft pants, your eyes rolling shut behind your shades. His hands start to roam, sliding around your hips until they grab onto your ass. They give it a rough squeeze, the fingers dipping between your cheeks.

     The bathroom door thuds open, followed by a tiny  _ oops _ and your blood is ice cold. You bite back your gasp as footsteps make their way towards your stall, past it, pause, turn around and return.

     'Dave?' John's voice comes from the other side and you nearly jump out of your skin. 'You in here?'

     'Yeah, sorry, bro,' you mumble from your stall, reality crashing down around you. You swallow hard, praying your voice is steady.

     'You okay? ' John asks, and he locates the stall where your voice is coming from.

     'Yeah, dude, I'm fine,' you say, suddenly breaking out in a cold sweat. None of this is stopping the dude from blowing you and you don't know if you admire him for it, or hate it.

     John's just standing there and you can hear the hesitation before his footsteps retreat to the door. 'Alright, bro,' he says and leaves.

     Not long after, you blow your load in the guy's mouth with a sigh. That was too close. You don't want any of your friends, especially John, to find out what you do for extra cash. You don't want to think about how repulsed he'd be over it. Why the fuck would anybody want to sell their body for money? How low do you have to be to even want to?

     The guy hands you some cash and leaves the bathroom. You hang back, leaning your head against the stall while you put yourself away and pull your pants back up. You have to wait so it doesn't look weird to leave right after another person like that.

     When you return to the booth, Rose quirks a brow at you and you just stare in return. John's looking between the two of you, wondering what's going on. There's a tense moment where you think Rose's is going to call you out, but she just goes back to sipping her tea without saying anything.

     'Aaaanyway,' John breaks the silence and checks his phone for the time. 'When did you say Jade's plane was going to get here?'

     'Ten,' you say. It's 230 now. A few hours to go before your final friend arrives and then... Who knows. You have plans to watch the fireworks come 4th of July. It was Jade and John's idea mostly, since you've seen them enough times from the roof of your apartment. Rose said she didn't really care for fireworks, but John loves them and Jade never hung out with friends to see them.

     Rose pulls out her wallet and drops some twenties down on the table. 'Well, boys. Let's go have some fun,' she says and slides out of the booth.

     You look at John, who gives you a concerned look before both slide out of the booth and follow after her. You wave at the waitress as you leave, who smiles at you in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last big time skip for a while so from now on its all, i guess, in the present?
> 
> also one of my favourite headcanons for dave and rose is that they have a silent language that only striders and lalondes can figure out.


	9. Chapter 9

It's June 29th and you're 18 years old.

     You've been helping John unpack in his hotel room while Rose unpacks in hers. By helping, you mean spreading out on the free bed while he unpacks his luggage in the dresser. Music is playing from your phone, and John's talking about all the shit he's been up to.

     'I can't wait to meet Jade,' he says suddenly as he's carefully re-folding his underwear before tucking them in next to the socks. 'I hope she's okay on her flight. It's pretty long for her.'

     'She'll be fine,' you say as you flip through the pictures on John's phone. He's pretty terrible at photography, you note, and most of his pics seem to be jokes. A lot of them you recognize since he's sent you them in the past.

     'Yeah, she's pretty tough, I guess,' John sighs, stuffing the last of his clothes into the dresser. You lift your head to look at him, raising a brow at the amount of clothes he packed. 'My dad told me to bring extra in case.'

     'In case of what? You suddenly shit all your outfits?'

     'Ha ha, very funny. He just wanted me to be prepared, is all,' John rolls his eyes and bounces on the other bed.

     'Uhuh, cause laundry ain't a thing in the Egbert household,' you say as you drop your head back down onto the pillows.

     'From what I can remember, it isn't a thing in the Strider household, either,' Rose says from the doorway. 'When was the last time you did laundry, Dave?'

     'Uh, last night.'

     'And the time before that?'

     You don't answer. She's got you there and she knows it, too.

     'Hey, I don't got the time for keeping on top of menial chores like laundry, Rose.'

     'But what if you soil your clothes? I guess you don't care about any stains, then.'

     The way she says it, your mouth goes dry. She knows, and the fact that she's alluding to it without addressing it makes you anxious. How long is she going to keep up with it, you wonder. Fucking Rose and her psychology bullshit.

     'Dude, if they get too nasty that bleach won' even fix it, I just buy new clothes,' you say with a shrug and toss John's phone back at him. John catches it and gives you a confused yet slightly irate look.

     'Aren't you constantly broke?' Rose asks and sits on the bed next to you.

     'No,' you say a little too hastily. 'I've been savin' up my coins.'

     John moves so he's sitting on the other side of you on the bed and you feel a little overwhelmed by their close proximity. 'Isn't your bro really rich? Why don't you ask him for money for clothes if you need it?'

     You burst out laughing, and it startles even Rose. 'Oh shit... Oh shit tha'sa fuckin' good one...' you wheeze, and have to sit up because you start choking on your own damn laugh. 'Bro wouldn't ever give me money for clothes. He'd sooner have me run around naked than help.'

     'Well that's a mental image I'd rather not have, thanks,' Rose says and stands up. 'I'm going to go take a bath before it's time to pick up Jade. Do _not_ bother me,' she warns and leaves the two of you snuggled up on the bed.

     You watch her form leave, suddenly painfully aware of how close you are to John, so you shuffle over a bit to give him more space on the bed. He takes the opportunity to stretch out next to you and your heart is racing. You're _so_ close, you can feel his body heat radiating off him and you do everything in your power to not turn and bury your face into his body.

     John is oblivious and is now checking messages on his phone. You can smell his body wash and shampoo and you know it's probably some expensive organic brand, considering the type of person his Dad is. Meanwhile you smell like Axe because it's stupidly cheap when it's on sale, and because Bro has way too much so you just cop a few sprays when he's not around and don't feel like showering.

     You can't help but watch him. You've seen so many dudes in your short life, but there is just something about John that makes you feel... You don't know. Safe, maybe? Not in the physical sense because you can probably kick his ass in any fight, but emotionally safe. And that might be because you've only ever see him online so you can lie straight to his face about how you feel about him.

     Sure, you can lie to strangers, but it's a bit different, you guess. Because you're _not_ attracted to strangers, you're attracted to John because he's dumb and cute and those glasses look so much better in person and thinking about him just makes you want to crawl under the bed and hide for a while.

     John looks up and smiles when he sees you watching and you nearly roll off the bed to hide, but you just get up and pull your phone out of your pocket, checking the time.

     'As soon as Rose is done, we should get Jade,' you say. 'Got any ideas on what we should do until she's done?'

     John gets off the bed and walks to his bags. 'I do, actually!' he says, and fishes around for something before pulling out a baggy of--

     'Weed?!' you snatch it from his fingers. 'How th'fuck did you smuggle this on the plane?'

     John's grinning and grabs it back, already digging in. 'I'm a fucking prankster, Dave. I'm disappointed that you still don't understand that.'

     'You're a fuckin' glorious wizard, is what you are,' you mumble and you both scurry out of the hotel to go light one up.

     It's nearly an hour later does Rose find you, smelling fresh and looking pleasantly calm. She finds you behind the hotel blowing smoke rings at each other and raises a brow when you manage to blow a smaller ring through his larger one.

     'I cannot _believe_ you didn't wait for me,' she says in a mock-snappish way as she grabs the joint from your fingers, just as you're about to take another hit. The way she looks when she smokes it almost makes you want to get her one of those long cigarette holders.

     'You said not to bother you while you were in the bath,' you shrug and go to reach for the joint back, but John's quicker. You shoot him a look and he just winks at you and takes another hit.

     'True, and while I appreciate you listening to me, you still could have waited,' Rose says and goes to take the joint back, but you snatch it out of John's fingers and jump away from them as he goes to swat at you. You take the longest drag of your life, so long you start coughing and choking and they laugh at you.

**

     The three of you jump back onto the metro and head down to the airport, feeling relaxed and smelling like weed. A few people give you strange looks on the train, but none of you care. You're all going to pick up your bestest friend Jade and there's nothing that they can say or do that will deter you from feeling amazing.

     Except maybe a delay in the flight, which means you are now trapped in the air port for at least another two hours. None of you want to head back to wait, so you just chill in the waiting area. John's prattling on about yet another movie he saw, and Rose is resting her head on your shoulder as you lounge across from John.

     Before you know it, Jade's plane has arrived and the three of you are waiting for her at the gate. You see her before she sees you, which isn't surprising because she's really not hard to miss. Among the faces of bored and tired comes her beaming and excited smile.

     When she spots you three standing there, she lets out a squeal of delight, nearly dropping her carry on and bounds over to hug each one of you. Then she recoils at the stench and you all start laughing.

     The trip back to the hotel is just as exciting as it was the first time. Jade goes on about how excited she was to fly for the first time, and that the pilots let her check out the cockpit. She was amazed by all the buttons and they _even_ let her sit in the co-pilot's seat to get a better view of the world.

     Just listening to hear brings a smile your face. Everything finally feels good to you. You don't feel the worries you constantly have from work and Bro and _work_. You feel like a normal guy for once, one who wasn't beat around and neglected, one who hasn't resorted to whoring yourself to get extra money. Just a regular person.

     Then Jade asks the dumbest question imaginable:

     'Hey, Dave!! Can we see your apartment?'

     You stare at her, brows knit, and your immediate response is no, because you don't want an encounter with Bro, but you remember you cleaned the fucking place so you may as well. You don't have to stay there for long, just a quick peek and then you can head back to the hotel. It's fine.

     So instead of going all the way back to the hotel, you tote Jade's luggage to your shitty apartment, and the fear of being judge starts to creep in on you. Your apartment building... Isn't the worst place to live in the city. For the most part it's up kept, even if the elevators rarely work and one of your neighbours gets into screaming matches with his girlfriend at any given time of the day. You've never seen roaches, bedbugs or rodents, either. It's more your apartment itself that you're worried about, because of how much of a death trap it is.

     When you get to your floor, you unlock the door and peer inside. You wait, holding a hand up to keep your friends quiet before stepping in. It's dark, there's no sound except from the city down below and the music from your computer that you apparently forgot to turn off, and there's no movement. You breathe a sigh of relief, flick on a light and beckon your friends in.

     Almost immediately, they're poking around your shit and you either want to throttle them or expire, because none of it is technically _your_ shit, but Bro's and you just kind of leech off him. All your stuff is kept safely in your room, hidden and out of view.

     Rose is looking around the place with a critical eye and you know she's profiling Bro as much as she's profiling you. You shoo her away when she goes to pick up one of Bro's dumb plushes because you have no idea if that one is booby trapped or not.

     Jade bounds into your room and it takes her all of five seconds before she lets out a squeal. John is immediately in your room with her and you can only dread what they found. Rose gives you a look that plainly asks if you have any _toys_ in there, and you just stomp into your room.

     'Hey, nose out of my shit, yo,' you snap just as John's about to dig through your drawers. 'Why are you so into my stuff?'

     'It might be because you're so private, unlike the rest of your friends,' Rose shrugs and she's even inching towards your desk. 'We want to know what the great Dave Strider is hiding.'

     You stare at her and she bats her lashes at you before sitting on your computer chair.

     'I'm just excited to see your room, Dave!' Jade grins, picking up one of the preserved jars of dead shit on your shelf. 'I'm sooo excited to be here with all of you!'

     Her grin is infectious, and you all find yourself smiling at each other once more.

     'C'mon,' you sigh, and gesture to your room's door. 'We should get going before--' A slam cuts you off and you pale. Bro's home. 'Shit,' you whisper. 'Shit, shit, shit!!' You quickly duck out of your room and into the living room.

     'Sup,' you say casually as Bro glares daggers at you.

     'Who th'fuck said you could have company?' he asks with a growl, and you can already tell he's drunk. Of course he is. When he's not drunk he's sleeping.

     'Man, we're fuckin' leaving, chill,' you sigh, and turn to leave. Your friends are quiet, so you can only guess Rose is keeping them that way.

     Bro grabs your arm and jerks you back. 'You didn' fuckin' ask t'have people over,' he hisses.

     You jerk your arm back, 'An' I said we're leaving, Jesus. Go drink 'nother bottle of whiskey.'

     He doesn't like that. He hates it when you talk back to him more than he hates it when you flat out don't listen to him. He grabs your arm once again and holds you still. 'I don' appreciate the tone yer usin', lil man. Yer fuckin eighteen, start actin' like a man and not a goddamn child.'

     'Then stop treatin' me like a goddamn child,' you snap. So does he. The sound of his open hand making contact with your face and your shades scattering on the ground breaks the silence in the other room. One of the girls screamed, probably Jade. Your face feels hot, your skin prickles and tears well up in your eyes, but you don't say anything. You just turn, grab your shades and walk into your room with a stony face.

     Your friends go to say something, but you just hold your hand up and walk back out with them following behind. Bro's already on the futon playing a game by the time the four of you cross through the living room and out the door, grabbing Jade's stuff on the way.

     You're silent the entire trip back to the hotel, and your friends are watching you with mixed emotions. You don't even look at them, just stare hard out the train window, jaw clenched tight as a red hand print spreads across your face.

     When you get to the hotel, Rose grabs your arm and tells John to take Jade up to her room so she can unpack. They hesitate but she waves them off, so they slink off in silence.

     'I don' wanna fuckin' hear it,' you say and pull away from her grasp.

     'You said he was getting better! You said he stopping hitting you!' she snaps.

     'He has! That was the first time in a while!'

     'I'm calling the cops,' she says and pulls out her phone.

     'No, no please, don't!' You gasp and yank her phone out of her hand. She goes to grab it, but you step back and hold it out of her reach. 'I have a plan, okay! I've been savin' money up so I can get out of there. I've been pullin' more hours at work, and--'

     Her features soften and she sighs. 'Dave...' You just watch her, and she watches you back with sadness in her eyes. 'Promise?'

     'I promise...' And to prove your honesty, you pull your shades off and look at her with a naked eye. 'I promise I'm tryna find a way out...'

     She doesn't say anything, just steps closer and slides her arms around your middle. You fold her into your arms and bury your face against her neck.

     'Stay with John tonight,' she whispers, and you don't need to be told twice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna say thanks for those who have been reading this! i know there's still a few more chapters to go, but i really wanted to say thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

It's June 30th and you're 18 years old.

     After last night's excitement of everybody finding out your brother beats your ass, you almost want to avoid them, but you don't. That would be a huge dick move, considering they all took the time to come down to hang out with you in Texas, instead of you going to one of their places. But you're still hesitant, and it takes a bit of coaxing from Rose to get you out of the hotel room to eat breakfast with the others.

     Nobody mentions what happened last night. Nobody says anything, except Jade asking if your face hurts. You almost want to tell her that of course it fucking hurts, it's bruised and those shitty fucking gloves of Bro's scratched your sensitive skin, but you don't because you don't want to talk about it. You just nod.

     John and Jade start rambling on about some movie they both saw and Rose is half listening while eating her toast while you're in your own separate world. Your chin is resting in your hand while your elbow is perched precariously on the edge of the table, and your eyes are fixated on a point in space time.

     Since you're _so_ out of it, John takes it upon himself to make you snap back into reality by nudging your elbow enough so it slips off the edge of the table and you nearly go face-first into the top, but you manage to catch yourself with a loud thud and shoot him a glare as they laugh at you.

     'I'll get you fer that, Egbert,' you snap. He just laughs more.

     'Hey, does this hotel have a pool?' he suddenly asks.

     'I think so,' Rose muses before taking a bite from the corner of her toast.

     Jade and John both look at each other with huge eyes and they start chanting, 'Pool! Pool! Pool! Pool!'

     You cast a sideways glance Rose, who is trying her hardest not to laugh into her tea.

     Great, the pool. You hate the pool. You hate swimming, you hate water, you hate being half naked in front of strangers (who aren't paying for it because money trumps your insecurities quiet easily,) because you're insecure about your body. Not only that, you're also covered in a fuck ton of scars and bruises and you really, really don't need the third degree. But your friends are _not_ letting go of the fact that there is a pool and they want to go swimming.

     'I think I'll sit this party out,'  you state flatly and push yourself out from the table. 'Don't care for swimmin', have no interest getting wet, count me out.'

     'Dave, you're such a party pooper,' Jade says with a pout, but you're not going to give in. You remain firm with your decision of being anywhere but in the pool.

     'C'mon, bro,' John's grinning and you frown at how much it lights up his face. 'A little water won't ruin your hair!'

     'No, but chlorine an' children piss will.'

     'Ew, gross, dude...'

     'Well, if Dave is going to be lame,' Rose sighs with a dramatic roll of her eyes. 'Then fuck him.'

     'Yeah, fuck Dave. He's a loser for not wanting to go swimming with us!' Jade agrees.

     'Hey,' you start, but they ignore you.

     'Only whiny babies get upset if they have one bad hair day,' John says, and the other two nod.

     'Man, fuck you guys,' you say and leave the dining hall and their laughing forms.

     They follow after you, laughing. Jade and Rose link arms with you while John gallops in front. He spins on his heel and faces you while walking backwards.

     'Watch out, everybody!' he announces to nobody, since most people are either eating, in their hotel room, or sight seeing. 'Dave Strider is coming through, a man too cool for the hotel pool!'

     'Shut the fuck up, John,' you say with a slight smile. You'd smile more, but your face fucking hurts.

     'Oho, Mr. Cool Guy wants to sass me, does he? Your words are impenetrable to my Willing To Swim force field,' John grins.

     'I may be a pussy for not wantin' to go into th' pool, but at least I ain't about t' walk into a pillar,' you state just as he does, in fact, walk straight into a pillar while you and the girls gracefully step around it. Your friends start laughing again, and you suck up the pain enough to smirk.

**

     You all decide to hit the mall for a while before they go swimming.

     Jade's having the time of her life, and it's probably the cutest shit you ever saw. She keeps going up to stores and peering into the windows, startling a few customers every time, which makes John laugh. It gets to the point where mall security is called on you, telling you that if you don't stop causing a public disturbance, you're going to get kicked from the mall. Reluctantly, Jade listens, much to her annoyance.

     You spend the next hour shit talking security as a whole. John complains about how frustrating it was for airport security to check his bags several times. Somehow, they never found the weed and you wonder if he snuck it out of his bag in between it getting checked and him getting frisked. However he pulled it off, you're deemed impressed.

     You spend hours at the mall, and by the time you head back to the hotel, it's nearly 5 pm. The pool is luckily still open until 11, and this is ample time for your friends to go have fun while you go work. Not that they need to know you're going to work. You just play it off as needing to run home to get something, and they're cool with it. You'll meet them back at the hotel later on that evening.

     When you part ways, Rose gives you a warning look, and you just brush it off. You don't need to listen to her right now. She's already grilled you a few times, you don't want to hear it again.

     You return home, sneaking in while Bro naps on the futon to take a shower and change into something more... Appealing. You pick the jeans that are ever so slightly too tight, and an oversized sweater to make yourself seem scrawnier and smaller than you already are. You don't bother covering up the bruise on your face cause it just adds to the aesthetic. Shows that you can get beat around and still look hot. What a fucked up thing you just thought of.

     You head to your usual spot, kick back against the wall and wait.

     Waiting can either take a few minutes to well over an hour. Sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it isn't. Rarely, you'll wait twenty minutes for a buff businessman to come by and they usually tip extra because they feel so damn guilty for cheating on their wives. You don't care - it's none of your business what they do and who they fuck behind other people's backs.

     And it's exactly the type of person who picked you up. Something about twinks gets their dicks hard and gets you money.

     He's clean shaven, he smells nice, he's wearing an Armani suit. You don't say anything to him, and he doesn't say anything to you. Neither of you need to because you know what he wants and he knows you want his money, so there's no use for formalities and that suits you just fine. The less talking, the more fucking, the better.

     The hotel he brings you to is way too fucking fancy. The people who see you trailing after him know exactly why you're there, but they turn a blind eye. Up the elevator, down a hall, and finally you're in the room.

     You hate admitting it, but the room is gorgeous. The window looks over the city, and you're half tempted to take your phone out and snap a pic. You have a nice view from the top of your apartment, but there's something luxurious about being in a place that costs more a night than your entire apartment does a month.

     You don't have much time to think about this as strong hands slid across your body and pull you close. One hand rests on your throat, a thumb passing across your bottom lip, while the other slides under your sweater. He rocks you into his arms, and you nearly melt in his touch. His cologne suffocates you and the mouth on your neck makes you sigh.

     Within minutes, you're both stripped down to your underwear and he's grinding his thick cock against your ass. He holds you against the large, floor to ceiling windows, the cold glass making you shiver. Fingers dip into the front of your boxers, and you pull yourself away from your own mind and watch from above.

     You watch as he pushes your boxers down and press kisses to your spine. You watch as his fingers dance across your skin, drag across you, sinking into you. You watch as his mouth bites at your skin, his arms holding you close. You watch as he pushes in and drags deep moans from you.

     Sometimes, it's good. Sometimes it leaves your legs shaking, your body shuddering, sometimes you can barely catch your breath as you moan out and spill your mess.

     Sometimes it's worth the humiliation you inevitably feel when you're back home.

     When it's over, and you can return to your own body, you clean yourself up with a cloth he hands you and avoid his gaze. He doesn't question it, he doesn't even care - his back is turned to you as he fastens his shirt. Neither of you speak, even when he tosses you a wad of cash and walks to the front door so he can drop you off where he found you.

     You get out of the car, give him a half-wave and stuff your hands in the pockets of your sweater and turn to head home. You don't get too far, because somebody is loudly saying your name and you freeze in your spot.

     Slowly, terrified, you turn and face your friends who are watching you with looks of confusion and something else you can't read.

     'Who was that man...?' John asks.

     Jade gasps, covering her mouth, and Rose just shakes her head ever so slightly.

     You can't face them. You didn't want them to find out. You turn tail and book it.

     'DAVE!' Rose's voice pierces the night as she runs after you. How the fuck she's able to keep up is astounding, but she does and you can hear your other friend's footsteps close by.

     You have the gift of being a fast son of a bitch, but they're all somehow just as fast which isn't fair. The only thing on your side is that you have the streets mapped out in your head from having lived here for fucking ever, so you can dart down streets you know about and they have to catch up.

     Your lungs feel like they're on fire and your legs are screaming for you to slow down, but you don't. You need to get away, to shake them so you can go crawl in a whole and die because you don't want to face their disgust and disappointment in you.

     You swerve between cars, nearly getting hit once, and slip through an alley, down the street and to another. You know for a fact that the fire escape in this alley is loose, and you clamber up it so you can get to the roof.

     Jade is the one who manages to catch up to you first, and you're almost positive she's part monkey from being able to scale it just as fast as you. You hope to god that you can shake her by jumping from rooftop to rooftop, something you've gotten good at the last few years, but you're dead wrong. Jade's about as good at jumping the roofs as you are, which would be fucking beautiful if she wasn't trying to hunt you down.

     You hit the end of your line, nearly stumbling over the edge and quickly turn to run a different direction, but Jade's on you in a second. She tackles you to the ground, pins you down by sitting on your stomach and holds your arms still.

     'I got him!' she gasps, breathing hard as you try to squirm away. 'Calm down, Dave!' she winces as your fist jerks free and nearly smack her in the face. Not on purpose - you'd never hit your friends.

     John and Rose climb up moments later, breathing hard. John nearly retches, but manages to hold it back as they make their way over.

     You manage to wiggle out from under her and try to get away, but she grabs you by the leg and trips you. You collapse to your knees, unable to fight back anymore, and yank your hood up to hide you face because tears are now pouring out from behind your shades.

     They gather around you and listen as you hiccup and choke back your sobs, your hands pressed firmly to your mouth to hold them back, but it doesn't matter. Your body is shaking, you feel sick and feverish and so, so ashamed. You had gotten used to whoring yourself out because you were so good at disassociating yourself from the acts, but now that your friends know...

     'Dave...' Rose says softly and places her hand on your shoulder. 'Dave, come on... It's okay...'

     'I don't... Understand what's wrong?' John asks and sits on the ground next to you. You immediately tense up because out of your friends, he's the last one you didn't want finding out. For selfish reasons, too. Hopeful, selfish reasons.

     'Do you... Want me to explain?' Rose asks and you don't know if you want to shake your head or let her, so you remain silent except for your tiny sobs. She just sighs and rubs circles in between your shoulder blades. It's soothing.

     'Boy, Dave, you gave me a work out!' Jade tries to lighten the mood and sits on your other side. 'We should do that more often.'

     'Jade...' Rose says softly, and you can hear the smile in her voice. 'Maybe... Not through on coming traffic.'

     'I'm still confused who that guy was. Did you know him, Dave? He had a pretty fancy car...' John continues.

     'I'm a whore...' you mumble from behind your hands.

     'What?'

     'I'm a whore, John... A fuckin' whore!' you snap, and push Rose back. Jade goes to grab you, thinking you're about to run, but you just back up away from them. 'I've been whorin' m'self out for extra cash so I can get away from my fuckin' abusive brother!'

     They fall silent, staring at you.

     You yank your shades off and rub your eyes on your sleeve and you don't put them back on. There's no point. You're already a freak to them, so why would your eye colour change anything? 

     But they don't say anything. They just sit and watch you and that's somehow worse. You _want_ them to yell at you, to call you disgusting or a faggot. You _want_ them to walk away because _you_ want to walk away from yourself. You hate telling them this. You hate being a whore. You hate how it brings you power and money and satisfaction and sex and it makes you feel amazing while at the same time making you feel like the scum of the earth. 

     'Well?' you demand, waiting for their reactions.

     Jade's the first to move, and you brace yourself for whatever she's going to throw your way, but she just slips her arms around you and hugs you tight. Rose joins, too, and you're so shocked you can't even speak. They just hug you close, and you find yourself wanting to break down again.

     John stands up and he looks troubled. You’re nervous but he just looks out at the city for a moment, then back to you. 'Why didn't you say something sooner?' the hurt in his voice is palpable.

     'I didn'...' you swallow thickly. 'I didn' know how to...'

     'If you need our help...' his voice trails off at the look you give him. 'Dave, you're my best friend... If you need help... Just ask.'

     You can't hold it back anymore. You dissolve in your friend's arms and start sobbing again, partially out of relief, partially out of their support.

     John moves closer and joins the hug, which gets you crying even harder.

**

     'So, how long have you been doing it for?' Jade asks, and she's holding your hand as you walk back to the hotel.

     'A few months,' you shrug. Your shades are back on your face, hiding how puffy and red your eyes are. 

     'I thought it was longer, the way you were so cagey about it,' Rose says airily, walking next to John.

     'Since January.'

     'Wait, you knew?' John asks Rose.

     'What doesn' she know? She's always up in my grill. Nosy bitch,' you mumble, and earn a swift slap on the arm from Rose for that.

     'So... Do you only... Sleep with guys?'

     'Nah, sometimes a chick wants some, but it's mostly dudes. They pay more, anyhow.'

     John knits his brows together, trying to parse something together. 'So... Does this mean you're gay?'

     You stop walking and stare at him, suddenly feeling anxious again. You could be honest and say that yeah, you totally love cock _in that way,_ but you don't. You lick your lips, unsure of what to say, and now they're all staring at you again.

     'Dunno...' you mumble. 'I like chicks, I guess, but...'

     'Hm. Alright, cool, I guess,' John shrugs. 'It doesn't matter, does it? You're still my best bro.'

     You could kiss his sweet, beautiful, bastard face, but you just sigh with relief and keep walking.

     Then you realize something.

     'How... Did you find me?' Even though you already know the answer.

     'When we got back from the pool, you weren't in the hotel room so we figured you might have gone back to your apartment!' Jade explains. 'But when we got there, your Bro told us where we might find you.'

     You grit your teeth, staring hard ahead of you. Fucking Bro getting involved in your life like that. Sure, it could be seen that he was trying to help, but you know he just wanted to sabotage you. Probably revenge for bringing people into the apartment without his permission. Prick.

     Before you head back to the hotel, you stop by a Burger King to grab dinner then head back to John's room. You all decide to watch some random cheesy, low-budget action flick that came on one of the free channels and crack jokes (at John's expense) until one by one you fall asleep piled up on the two beds.


	11. Chapter 11

It's July 4th and you're 18 years old.

     You've been spending most of your time with your friends. The only time you don't is when you're working or when you have to go home to get clothes. John is okay with you sharing his hotel room since it gives him company while Jade and Rose hang out together in the other room, and because your friends all feel safer if you're away from Bro. You don't mind at all. You kind of like having him as a roommate. It's definitely a better experience then getting your ass beat.

     Since it's Independence Day, the entire city is in a buzz about the fireworks, the parties, the drinking and god knows what else. You and your friends decide that you'd much rather find a nice place to sit, just the four of you, and have a small party of your own. You conned a patron into buying you booze, and you still have John's weed.

     You go about the day avoiding the crowds as much as possible, since Jade started to get a little anxious around them, and mostly kept to your hotel rooms. Which is fine, really because it's hotter than Satan's balls outside, and the hotel rooms have aircon.

     After your friends found out that you sell your body for cash, you seem almost... More relaxed than before. You still hate talking about it and it still makes you feel uneasy and shameful, but the constant threat of it looming over your head is now gone. Every now and then, John will ask you a random question that you can only assume it's related to you sleeping with dudes, like  _ do you find that guy hot _ or  _ how much would you get from that guy _ and it's kind of fucking weird, but you just tell yourself he's trying to be a good pal and understand you instead of being a douche about it.

     Jade's made it clear she doesn't care, she loves you anyway. The two of you sometimes have long conversations about sex and different people, and you can only assume it's because she's from a secluded island with barely any human contact outside from the few people she knows from a local village.

     Rose also doesn't care but she doesn't resist the opportunity to analyze you and try to figure shit out from the types of guys you mention in passing. So far she's concluded (and you're not sure if she's joking or not,) that you have serious daddy issues and you sleep with older men so you can feel powerful since your Bro beats your ass into submission.

     She's... Not wrong, not that you'd  _ ever _ give her the satisfaction of knowing she's right.

     As for Bro, you know he knows and he knows you know he knows. Shockingly, he has only brought it up once and it was just to warn you that if you ever bring one of your clients home, he'll make you regret it. You take that warning because you really don't want to have a name on the street, warning people away from you. Besides, you don't wanna fuck when he's around because he'll probably make your life a nightmare.

     For the most part, everything about your life currently is okay. At least arguably so.

     'Since we've been banned from my apartment,' you say over lunch. You're all eating a large pizza in John's hotel room, since Rose complained about the smell of peppers would make her sick if she had to smell it all night. 'We gotta find a new place to chill if we want the best view.'

     'Dude, why is your Bro such a dick?' John asks, trying to free his slice from the cheesy prison.

     You let out a laugh, 'Shit, man, it's one of life's mysteries. If I had an answer to that, the world would probably implode.'

     'Mmm,' Jade lets out a squeak as she raises her arms above her head in a stretch. 'It's soooo hooot!! I miss the ocean! It was so cool by the ocean...'

     'Take yer shirt off,' you suggest, devouring your next slice of pizza.

     'Dave!!' Rose snaps, and John snorts with laughter.

     'What? Innocent fuckin' question. It's hot, the aircon can only do so much. You an' John can take yer shirts off, too,' you shrug. 'It's not fuckin' hard.'

     Jade just shrugs and yanks her shirt off, and looks expectantly at John and Rose. John follows suit, but Rose hesitates and stares you down.

     'Now look at what you did,' she snaps. You give her a shit-eating grin, and she narrows her eyes and reluctantly pulls her shirt off.

     You laugh again, hopping up from your seat and frame the scene with your fingers. 'It looks like you just had the worst fuckin' game of strip poker. Y'all fuckin' lose.'

     'Hey, you need to join in!' Jade gasps.

     'Nah, this weather is nothin' for me. I'm used to it,' you shrug, and you're already backing up because you know them. You know they're going to fight you on this and you need the upper hand. 'I ain't even hot.'

     'No, we can both agree on that,' Rose hisses, and you frown at her. That was just a low blow.

     John and Jade look at each other and you start to panic. They're plotting something silently, and it further confirms your suspicion when all three start smiling at each other mischievously. Fucking traitors.

     You're out the door before they even think twice, but the fact that none of them have shirts doesn't stop them. Nobody's in the hotel anyway - they're either outside or in the pool.

     'Join us, Dave!' Jade giggles.

     'Take your shirt off, Dave!' John joins in.

     'One of us, one of us, one of us!!!' They chant, and if that isn't the creepiest fucking thing...

     Rose, however, is nowhere to be seen and that unsettles you.

     You dart through the halls, down several flights of stairs, and out into the courtyard, which is surprisingly busy. People give you weird looks as you zip past, only furthering when John and Jade chase after you. Still no sight of Rose and you feel the fear. She's almost as cunning as John, only she plays with your fears, while John does it for laughs.

     When you think you've lost them, having darted into a secluded part of the hotel, you slow to a stop and let out a sigh of relief. Hopefully your friends didn't see you sneak in here, or any security for that matter.

     'Hello, Dave,' Rose's cool voice makes you jump out of your skin with a rather embarrassing yelp. She just smiles at you, holds her phone to her mouth and says, 'Caught him.' Jade's squeal of delight comes from the other end before she hangs up and corners you.

     You let out a nervous laugh, holding your hands up. 'Now, now, Rose... Don't do anythin' rash.'

     'Who are you to tell me to not to do anything rash, Strider,' she coos, moving closer. You back up, but you hit the wall and there's no escape.

     John and Jade burst into the room and the three of them corner you and you start to feel a little anxious being trapped like this. A weird flight over fight response that came from years of getting your ass handed to you.

     'Take your shirt off, Dave,' John says innocently, holding his hands up in a way that it looks like he's about to wrestle you to the ground.

     'How 'bout fuck you, John?' If it was any other situation, you'd strip for John if he asked, but the weird crush you have on him is going to your grave.

     'Strip, strip, strip, strip!' Jade mimics John and both move closer.

     'Hey, Dave?' Rose asks, and when you turn your head to look at her, you gasp.

     Somehow, and you have no idea where she got it from, she yanks an inner tube around you and pins your arms to your sides. You stumble back, bounce off the wall and fall right into John's waiting hands.

     Your friends  _ howl _ with laughter, and your ears go bright red.

     'Let me th'fuck go!' you snarl, trying to wriggle your way out of the tube, but they're not helping. 'Fuck you!!'

     Jade's fingers force their way between you and the tube and starts yanking at your sweater and shirts, giggling the entire time. She doesn't even flinch when you roar her name and tell her to fuck off, she just continues to try and pull your clothes off.

     John and Rose are both in there helping, and after some struggling and a lot of swearing, they get your sweater off.

     'This is fuckin' assault,' you grumble. Your hair is a mess, your shades are askew, and you're breathing heavy.

     'Shirt's next,' Rose says, and they give you the same treatment all over again, tossing your clothes into a pile on the floor.

     'How many layers are you wearing?!' Jade asks, looking at the tank you're wearing.

     'Please don't,' you try to hop away as they grab the hem of your last shirt barrier. 'I'm gonna get cold! Ow, fuck! TRIM YOUR GODDAMN NAILS, LALONDE!!'

     'Stop being a pussy, Dave.'

     Finally, they yank your tank off, toss it into a pile and the three fall silent as you continue to struggle to free yourself.

     'Dave, what are all those scars and bruises from...' It's Jade's voice who breaks the silence. Well, almost silence. You've been grumbling the entire time.

     You stop and look down at your chest, then twist your head back to try and look at your back. 'Oh, uh... You don't wanna know,' you sigh, and  _ finally _ free yourself from the rubber trap that was the inner tube. It bounces and rolls away, falling neatly next to its brethren.

     'Was it--' John starts but you shake your head.

     'No... I mean, some are, others are just...' you pause, look down at your hips. There's bruises all over them, some looking like they're made with fingers. 'They're... Y'know... Work related. Some are from boardin', some are from me bein' a dumb fuck... Quit starin', Jesus Christ. Most're all old anyway.'

     'Is this why you didn't want your shirt off? Because you think we'll judge you?' John asks.

     'What? No, dude. I just have insecurities, tha's all.'

     Rose can't tell if you're lying or not and it kind of makes you feel good.

     You shrug your shoulders, grab the tank top and slip it on. They're still staring at you and it's irritating and you wish they'd stop. When you turn to face them, jaw clenching because now they can't even look you in the eye.

     'Oh my  _ fuckin _ ' god,' you growl, grabbing the rest of your clothes and pulling them on. 'Quit starin'. You got what you wanted now you get to pay the price of knowing my body is fucked up. Get over it.'

     'How? How do you want us to get over this?' Rose asks, gesturing to you.

     'It's not fuckin' hard!' you let out a derisive laugh. 'Oh my god I am so not in the mood to explain why I'm covered in bruises. Do you want a story? Do you wanna hear about the scar that came from me shredding my elbow on the pavement? Do you wanna hear about the time I was dicking around and ran straight into a pole and busted my lip? Do you wanna hear about how sometimes a guy grabs onto my hips way too fucking hard when he blows me?? Not everything fucked up about me is because of  _ him _ .'

     'Dave we're only concer--' Jade starts.

     'Well don't be! Aight? Let's just... Go get the rest of our shit for tonight,' you sigh and head for the door.

     Wonderful. Everything is all awkward for you again.

**

     But it doesn't stay awkward for too long, because a few hours later, Jade and John are chattering away about how excited they are for the fireworks. The tension that had started creeping up after they stripped you has ebbed away and you're all pleasant again.

     You're walking around, trying to find a new place for you to sit for the evening and watch the fireworks, but most of the good spots on ground are gone, and a few of the roof tops are filled up.

     Thankfully, Kiki saves your asses.

     'Hi, Kitten!' she says, and gives you a quick peck on the cheek. 'Oh! These you're friends?'

     'Hey, girl. Yeah, this is John, Jade and Rose,' you point to each one as you list off their names. They're down for a few weeks. We're just lookin' for a place to chill for the fireworks, since Bro banned me from brinin' friends home.'

     'Why's don't you just use my place? If it gets too cold or hot, y'all can get cozy in my apartment,' Kiki suggests. 'Just no fuckin'. My apartment is a fuck free zone.'

     You hold your hands up defensively, 'I swear I ain't got no plan fer shaggin' my friends.'

     Kiki just smiles, 'Atta boy.'

     'You workin' tonight?' you ask, as if it's just a regular old day job.

     'Yep. Gonna make some big bucks tonight. What 'bout you?'

     You look to your friends, then shake your head. 'Nah, callin' it off tonight so I can chill.'

     Kiki gives you another smile before checking her phone. 'Shit, gotta get goin' or Shirley's gonna get the good spots,' she sighs. 'Y'all can have some tea if ya like!' Another kiss and a hug before she hurries down the street.

     Your friends give you a curious look and you just shrug.

     'She got me the deli job, that's all,' you say and lead them to Kiki's apartment.

     Her apartment is as cozy as ever, and just the right temperature. You show your friends around, having spent a lot of time in this place already. It's almost like a second home for you. A place of safety so you can get away from the hell at home. Kiki even gave you a key because she likes and trusts you so much.

     You hang out in the living room for a bit until it starts getting dark. They have a lot of questions about your relationship with Kiki, and the most you can do is just call her a friend who's always been there for you since you met her. Which is true. She helped you out in ways nobody else has, and you, in a way, love her for it.

     You also tell them that she wasn't the reason why you became a whore, and in fact, she was trying to prevent you from being one. You ended up doing it anyway, much to her dismay, but she still helped out when she could. She never turned her back on you and never made it weird, and you liked that.

     Come time the fireworks are going to start, you grab all your stuff and head to the roof. Nobody else is on there, so it's just the four of you. You get into the weed, you start doing shots and drinking straight from the bottle. You have your phone set up so it's playing music and you all laugh and sing and have a good time.

     Then  _ crack. FweeeezPOP!! _

     Jade lets out a squeal and grabs John's arm and both start pointing to the sky as fireworks explode and shimmer and rain down their light on the city. People all around are cheering, oohing and aahing, laughing and hollering. Jade and John are the biggest culprits, screaming every time a new firework goes off.

     You hang back with Rose, and you can't help but let your gaze drift between the Fireworks and John's smiling form. Something in your gut stirs, your heart skips a beat and the light of a bright blue firework makes him glow.

     'Are you ever going to tell him?' Rose asks.

     You look at her, smile a little sadly, then look to the sky. 'Nah.'

     'Why not?'

     'Why would I want to make things weird between us? It's bad enough he knows I'm...' you can't even call yourself gay because you don't  _ feel _ gay. You like girls just as much, you just... Prefer dudes.

     Rose makes a sound in the back of her throat, sort of disapproving, sort of understanding.

     'I love you, Dave, but you can be a real fucking moron,' she finally says after a long while and downs the rest of the drink in her cup. She then does something none of you would have ever expected: she grabs Jade by the waist, pulls her in close, and kisses her right on the mouth.

     When they disengage, Jade's breathless and Rose is watching you expectantly. John's trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

     'Your turn,' Rose says.

     'Nope,' you grin.

     'Coward.'

     'Yep.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jade is really, really hard to write


	12. Chapter 12

It's July 10th and you're 18 years old.

     Your friends are leaving in just a little over a week, so you've been doing what you can to make the best of your time. So far you've seen almost every movie you can, sometimes multiple times, have gone to all the tourist attractions and for the next few days, you all decide to chill and not do anything else because you're all so damn tired of going places. Also, it's still really fucking hot out.

     They somehow drag you to the pool, not that you wanted to swim, but you did dip your feet in the water and hang on the poolside. The lifeguard got really angry when he thought you were going to swim with your shirt on, but you played the Strider Charm and told him to cool it. You were just gonna sit and not actually get soaked.

     Or at least, that's what you thought before John totally dunked you in the water when the lifeguard wasn't paying attention.

     You had to scramble to get out of your nasty shirt because of how heavy it felt and when you flung it across the room, smacking the lifeguard in the head, you got kicked out of the pool, which was fine, because you didn't want to be in there in the first place.

     While your friends continued to have fun, you went back to John's hotel room, took a shower then crashed in the bed.

     You don't remember falling asleep, but when you wake up, it's dark out. You lift your head, notice that John's stuff is on his bed, so your friends must be back, but when you go to check the girls' room, nobody answers. They probably saw you sleeping and left for dinner or some shit, which is fine, even if they didn't leave you any messages on your phone.

     If they're going to be out, you may as well go get some work done. You preen, pull your sneakers on, and head out.

     The streets are cool tonight, and you pull your sweater tighter around your body, eying the people for customers. Nobody seems to want to take the bait, and you almost decide to go home because you're still tired, you're getting a little hungry and it's fucking cold out, but a car creeps along next to you.

     You peer into the open window and you vaguely wonder if the guy is going to ask for directions, but he doesn't. Just beckons you in and you're a little more than grateful because cars equal warmth, and your toes are going numb in your shoes.

     The first thing you notice about the man is his scent, as weird as that is. He smells vaguely familiar, but it's hidden by a sweet, sugary scent that you want to guess is cake. It makes you all the more hungry, but you don't say anything. Your stomach does; it lets out a complaint and you clamp your hands to your gut to silence it.

     'Are you hungry?' he asks, and his voice is smooth like butter. 'I can take you somewhere to eat first, if you'd like. My treat.'

     You open your mouth to say something, close it, then give him a slight nod. For some reason, you'd normally turn down a request like this (it has happened,) but he drives you to want it. You want to be pampered and you oddly feel comfortable around this guy, like you know him from somewhere but can't place where.

     He takes you to a rather upscale restaurant and lets you buy anything off the menu, and you're so tempted to buy the steak but you just get a burger instead. Burgers are more your thing anyway, and the steak was nearly thirty dollars and that makes your stomach clench. He doesn't seem to care either way, until you ask if you can get some booze. That's when he gets a little stern.

     Whatever, free food and you get paid to suck his dick. You ain't complaining.

     The entire dinner, neither of you say much aside from shooting the breeze. He talks about his work, his hobbies, and briefly mentions he has a son around your age. You mention you're into music, skateboarding, and apparently old man dick.

     It gets him flustered, and he has to clear his throat and sip some water. You keep a poker face, but you're laughing hysterically inside. Got him with that one.

     When you're done eating and the bill is paid, he drives you to his hotel room. It's not fancy and expensive, but it's not a cheap motel. A double bed, a mini bar, a flat screen, and a balcony. Nothing too extravagant but nothing too cheap. It's comforting, it's homely, it's nice.

     He's also nice, which puts you on edge. Most of your clients, even the more polite ones, are rough with you or expect a lot from you in a short amount of time, but this guy... He takes his time. He pulls you into his arms, presses his mouth to your neck and breaths you in. You immediately melt in his grasp, pressing your thin frame against his fuller one. He smells clean and fresh, and his face has just the right amount of stubble so it doesn't scratch you when he presses his cheek against yours.

     His fingers take their time undressing you, quietly unzipping every zipper and carefully popping every button. They're skilled, delicate gestures and you can't help but be mesmerized by the way his fingers seem to knit their way through your clothes. He moves his hands to your face, reaching for your shades, and instinct tell you to pull away, but you don't. You let him take your shades off, fold them neatly, place them on the nightstand, but you don't look him in the eye. You never do when you're vulnerable like this.

     He takes your hands into his own and kisses your knuckles as he guides you to the bed. You lay down, he undresses, climbs into the bed over top you and starts ravishing your neck and chest with kisses, coating you in warmth and you're left breathless. He moves down your body with purpose, lips making contact with every inch of your skin as he does. His arms slide under your hips, pull you up, and he goes down on you. His mouth engulfs you, dragging shaky breaths and small whimpers from your throat.

     You can't pull yourself away from this. You try to lose yourself in your own mind so you can float above and watch, but he's making it impossible and you don't know why. You've never had problems disassociating before but you are now.

     You grip the sheets, squeeze your eyes shut, hold back your moans. A hand slides up, runs down your throat, beckoning your voice. You give it to him, and it burns you with insecurities. He doesn't seem to mind in the slightest, he just continues to egg you on, drawing more and more from you until you can't hold it back anymore.

     He pulls his mouth off your cock and presses kisses up your body in a straight line towards your lips. You hungrily return it, slipping your arms around his neck, holding him close. You dive deeper and deeper into his touches, his scent, the warmth of his body, and you're starting to feel safe. You've never felt safe in another person's arms, but there's something about the familiarity of him that silently tells you that it's okay to let your guard down.

     He moves away, slips off the bed and walks over to his belongings. You almost  _ whine _ at him to return, the bubble of neediness creeping up in your chest, but he returns before long with something in his hand. A bit of rustling, a small sigh and he's back over top, kissing you deeper than ever.

     His fingers fiddle with the bottle of lube, then they find their way between your legs. You let out a sharp hiss because of how goddamn cold it is, and he gives you an apologetic smile before pressing a finger in with little trouble.

     You bite back a moan, pressing your head into the pillows. 'J-Just... Do it. Fuck...' You can't believe how fucking  _ needy _ you are. You've never felt like this before, since it was always just a job, but he's making you feel things and you hate that you can't figure out  _ why _ he's making you feel so good.

     He looks like he's going to protest, you can see it on the tip of his tongue, but he makes a sound in the back of his throat and pulls his finger out. He replaces it with the head of his cock and your heart is skipping every third beat. You pull him in for another kiss, arms snaking around his neck. He presses into you, dragging a moan and a shiver from your body.

     He pauses, adjusting to the heat of your body around his cock. When he starts moving, it's slow and gentle and you groan and want him to go faster and harder but at the same time, not. You want him to drag this out, to keep you here instead of pulling yourself away from your own mind.

     A thought flits across your mind - is this what normal intimacy feels like?

     Another thought creeps into your mind when you inhale his scent - is this what it would be like if you were with John?

     The thought brings you back to reality.

     You stare at the ceiling, breathing deeper and deeper as he thrusts harder and harder. He's still taking care not to go too fast or too hard, but just the right pace that sends your nerves aflame. You squeeze your eyes shut, force the thoughts of John and real life relationships and intimacy and John out of your mind. It's fine if you're alone, but not fine when you're supposed to be working. You can't get distracted, only subtract yourself from the reality.

     But even then, you can't seem to disengage yourself from your current situation and it's frustrating because you're starting to realize why you can't pull yourself away, and it makes you think and thinking is making you angry because you're currently getting fucked so tenderly and your body feels good but your head is filled with thoughts you don't want to think about.

     They quickly come to a halt when a hand finds its way to your dick. It strokes it, slow and long, matching the speed of which he's thrusting into you. You choke back a moan, tilting your head back and he takes it as invitation to press his lips to your Adam's apple. He kisses it, licks it, then trails his mouth to the bend between your neck and shoulder. He buries his mouth against your skin, his own moans starting to seep through, his thrusts starting to grow a little more frantic.

     You're close, and your senses are running wild. You're intoxicated by the scent of his skin, his cologne, his sweat, his shampoo, and you're overwhelmed by his hands on your body. You're ears are tuning in too hard to the sound of his moans and the way his chest rattles ever so slightly when he breathes out.

     You're the first to release, your body tensing before shuddering as a guttural groan slips from your lips. He follows not long after, strong arms holding you close as he rides out his orgasm. When he pulls out, you take a moment to regain your breath after feeling so winded for so long before sitting up. You make to get out of the bed, but he grabs your arm and it freezes you.

     'Stay the night,' he whispers.

     It's not a command, but it may as well have been because you easily comply and lay back down. You watch as he moves to the bathroom to clean up, then return to the bed and crawl in next to you. His arm coils around your middle and he pulls you in close, your head resting on his chest and your ankle hooks around his calf. He pulls the blanket up, buries his face against the top of your head, and begins to stroke gentle patterns up and down your spine.

     You're wired, and you know you won't be able to sleep for a while, but you're painfully relaxed. It almost scares you, since you're so used to having your guard constantly up, but he almost forces it down just by being so... Gentle.

     He cards a hand through your hair and you glance up at him. He's not looking at you, he's looking past you, at a spot on the wall beyond. Something's troubling him, and while he may be a stranger, you can pick it up just by the slight knit in his brows.

     'What?' you ask, not really caring if you sound harsh.

     'Why do you do this?'

     'What? Whore m'self out? Dunno. Need the money, is all.'

     He nods, still petting your hair.

     'Why didja buy me for the night? Is this your first time?'

     'It isn't and...' he sighs, and you can probably guess the answer.  _ Loneliness. _

     He goes to speak further but you just hold up your hand. You don't need to hear it. You don't need to understand. People do shit for any and every reason, and you've slept with enough people by now that it's almost always one of three reasons - loneliness, revenge, boredom.

     'We're only human,' you say softly. 'It's normal.'

     He lets out a huff that sounds almost like a laugh, and you snuggle in closer. You press your ear to his chest, hearing the gentle thumps of his heart beat. It's normal. All of this is normal. Everything about you and your life is normal.

     Your eyes close, and the last thought that drifts through your mind before you sleep is  _ he smells like John. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had way too much fun writing this chapter
> 
> also sorry for the thousand year wait i uh. genuinely forgot to update this thing


	13. Chapter 13

It's July 11th and you're 18 years old.

     You're heading home with a pocket full of cash after a bizarre as fuck night, but a rather pleasant morning.

     You had woken to him petting your hair with one hand while reading a book with the other. It was definitely a sight to witnessed, especially the way his brows were furrowed and eyes darting back and forth across the ages. His lips were parted, and you can see the ghost of him mouthing the words as he absorbed himself in them.

     It was way too sexy for his own good and you ended up surprising him with a blow job, which resulted in you riding his lap for the next while. He wanted to pay you for it, but you were feeling too good, so you compromised and just asked for a tip for the previous night. He delivered, then offered to drive you home, but the metro wasn't far and you needed to clear your head.

     It was probably the most pleasant fuck you've ever had. Even if it did question a lot about you and how you felt about your friends.

     You decide to hit your apartment first for a shower and a change of clothes. Bro isn't around, which is fine, because that means there's hot water and no chance of him jumping you. You're almost a little hesitant to clean the scent of last night off you, since you can still smell his cologne on your skin, but you decide that it might be a little weird hanging out with your friends while you smell like sex.

     Once cleaned, dried and clothed, you hop back onto the metro, stop at the bank, then head for the hotel. Your friends are in the dining hall, chowing down, and Jade waves at you enthusiastically when she spots you.

     'Where've you been?' Rose asks.

     'Workin',' you say, and reach for the slice of toast on her plate. 'Dude kept me for the night. Paid extra, got a tip.'

     'I've got news!' John says with a grin and your stomach knots because he has a cute as fuck smile. 'My dad said he's coming down for a visit because I told him about all the neat stuff we've been doing! He wanted to see for himself!'

     'Uh, cool? Does that mean he's gonna be hangin' with us, or...?'

     'Nah, he said he was fine touring the city on his own, just as long as we have a few dinners with him.'

     'I can't wait to meet your dad, John!' Jade giggles. 'He sounds real nice!'

     'He is! He's really great. I couldn't have asked for a better dad!' Then he falters when he notices Rose's amused expression and your slight annoyed one since neither of you have notable relationships with your guardians. 'Oh... Sorry.'

     ''S cool, bro,' you mumble, playing it off. It's not his fault you have a dickhead for a Bro and Rose has a drunk for a mom.

     'Oh!! There he is!' John announces, and points over your shoulders.

     Your heart does a somersault into a vat of ice water. The man from last night... Of course... He smelled like John because they used the same body wash and shampoo. He smelled like confectionary because John mentioned he liked to bake. He has a son around your age...

     John's dad looks down at you and he does an excellent job at not showing how uneasy he is. You can tell, and Rose definitely can tell since she's so good at reading body language, but nobody else does.

     'Dad! Dad, these are my friends. Jade, Rose and... Dave? Dave, what's wrong?' John asks, leaning in close to look at you.

     You nod, quickly recovering. 'Yeah, dude. Sup, Mr. E,' you say, standing up and holding your hand out to shake. He grasps it, a little tentatively, and the feel of his fingers on your skin ignites the memories of last night. You probably hold his hand for a little longer than necessary before pulling it back and stuffing it in your pocket.

     Dad beams at all of you, carefully avoiding your gaze as much as possible, and you're so thankful because if you stare at him any longer you'll probably get a boner. He sits down between you and John at the table, carefully keeping his hands as far from yours as tactfully possible. That's fine, because you busy them in your pockets.

     'How was your trip, dad!' John asks. 'Did you drive up?'

     'I did. Came in last night, but it was too late for me to call you,' he says.

     You shoot him a look, thankful for your shades, but Rose catches it. She can practically smell the anxiety radiating off you, but keeps her mouth shut. You know she won't for long, though - she never does. The moment she has you cornered she's going to lay in on you. 

     They start talking about John's trip so far, and Dad's drive up to Texas. Rose is quietly sipping her tea and Jade is absorbed in the conversation, energetically listening. You, on the other hand, keep switching your attention from John to his Dad and the difference between the two is striking.

     When John talks, his entire face is animated and his smile stretches from ear to ear. He talks with his hands and body, adding emphasis when needed. Meanwhile, Dad is more stoic, relaxed even. He nods at the right time, and doesn't smile too often aside from a small upturn of the corner of his lips.

     Every so often, you catch him looking in your direction, whenever John isn't paying attention. You wonder: how much does Dad know about you? Did he know who you were last night? Does he know who you are now? How much has John told him about you? Is he judging your friendship with his son? Does he want you to stop because you're a whore and his son is pure?

     The questions make your stomach churn and your hands clench painfully. You don't want to lose your friendship with John over this, even though his father would be hypocritical, since he  _ did _ buy you. What's the difference of being a whore and buying one?

     You stare down at your lap, take a deep breath and jiggle your knee up and down. All of this was a mistake.

     'Dave? You okay? You look distracted...' Jade asks you.

     You look up at her and flash her a smile, 'I'm great, Harley.'

     She just gives you a concerned smile.

     'Hey, I had a long night last night,' you say, and push your chair out. 'I think I'm gonna go crash for a while.' You don't even wait for their response. You just leave.

     The moment you're out of view, the panic over takes you and you start to hyperventilate.

     You fucked your best friend's dad. Twice. On top of that, you got paid for it. On top of on top of that, he also bought you food and you were present during it and it made you feel good  _ and he is your best friend's dad. You also have a huge crush on your best friend _ . Everything is terrible. You feel like you're drowning and you want to claw your face off.

     'Dave?' Rose asks inches from behind you. You jump, spin around and nearly topple into a potted plant.

     'Shit, fuck, Rose!' you growl.

     'You okay?'

     'No, I'm not fuckin' okay. Do I look fuckin' okay to you?'

     'Do you want to talk about it?' she asks.

     'No,' you snap. Then sigh. You pass a hand over your face, take a deep breath and nod. 'Yeah...'

     'Let's go to my room, then,' she says softly, and leads you there.

     When you step into the room, she closes the door behind you and watches as you pace back and forth. You take your shades off, rub your eyes, put them back on, take them off again and press the heels of your palms to your eyes before returning your shades to your face. Then you take them off again, toss them onto the night stand and face her.

     She opens her mouth to say something, but you cut her off.

     'I fucked John's dad,' you say it before you could even stop yourself.

She stops, tries to process what you said, but it doesn't register. 'What?'

     'Last night, when you guys were out, I decided to go work the streets an'... A man picked me up and I couldn't fig'er out why he felt an' smelled so familiar...'

     'Smelled?'

     'He uses the same bullshit body wash as John! I shoulda realized it but--' You take a deep breath, double over and for a moment you think you're going to be sick. You manage to hold back the bile that threatens to creep up, thankfully.

     'Dave...'

     You let out a howl and throw yourself down, face first, into her bed.

     'Okay, now you're just being dramatic,' she sighs and sits on the edge of the bed next to you. 'Are you going to tell him?'

     'Are ya out of yer fuckin' mind?!' you lift your head and stare at her. 'Do ya think I'm fuckin' stupid? I'm not telling him jack shit! Can you imagine what kinda conversation that'd be?  _ Hi, John, I totally rode your old man's dick!  _ No, hell no. Not in any fuckin' universe.'

     'Was it good at least?'

     You stare at her, blink a few times then shrug. 'Yeah it was good. Real good, actually... I can't believe I'm havin' this convo with you.'

     'Oh, we've had weirder. Remember the time you came home from school and couldn't wait until I was online so you could tell me all about the boner you got in class? And how you had to  _ take care of it _ in the boy's changing room?'

     'No.'

     'I do and I remember with clarity how excited you were because... Wasn't it your first real boner?'

     'Stop talkin' right now.'

     'Dave Strider, I'm only stating that talking about sex with you really does nothing for our relationship and I don't think less of you.'

     'I ain't askin' for moral support on my sex life, Lalonde. I'm askin' ya to be a pal and not fuckin' say anythin' and let me lament over the fact that I fucked my best friend's dad! Twice!' You smash your face into the pillow and whine.

     She lets out a sigh and smacks you on the back of the thigh. 'Quit it. You didn't know, I'm sure he'd understand if--'

     'I am not! Fuckin'! Telling! John nothin'!!'

     'Well I am not going to listen to you wallow in self pity over this. It's going to eat you alive if you don't do something about it, ie, telling him.'

     You shoot her a glare and she returns it with equal ferocity.

     'Dave, you're like my brother. You're the family I never had, and I hate seeing you when you're in a state but I also feel like it's my duty to make sure you use your goddamn head.'

     'But I--'

     'I know, you don't want to lose John as a friend. You love him, you care about him, you'd be lost without him. I get it. But you have to remember: it's not fair to John if you and his dad hide this from him. You know John better than anyone else. Do you really think he'll hate you forever if you tell him?'

     You sigh, knowing she's right and you hate that she  _ is _ right. John is... Such a great guy and it's partly why you have a bullshit attraction to him. It's not his stupid smile that brightens the room, or how cute he is with and without those fucking glasses. It's who he is - the pure joy he feels when he watches a movie he loves, the way he can handle your smartass jives at him, the way he sees something good in everything.

     'Hey guys!!' Comes Jade's voice as she opens the door. She watches the two of you curiously, before noticing you're looking a little haggard. 'What's wrong?'

     You just groan and bury your face in the pillows again. 'I can't do this Rose...'

     'Do what?' Jade sits on her bed and pulls one of her Squiddle plushes into her lap. 'Ooh, are you going to tell John you like him?!'

     'What?!' Your head snaps up. 'No! Why did you... How do you...?'

     'It's pretty obvious, Dave, that you like him,' Rose explains.

     'No! How?! No!!'

     'Put it this way,' she clears her throat. 'If a macho man wants to get the attention of a girl, he usually struts his stuff and flexes his muscles and puts on a show in hopes that he'll attract her as a mate. That's what you do, Dave. You strut your stuff and flex your muscles, but your stuff is a cool kid façade, and your muscles are non-existent but you make up for that with your quick wit.'

     'Thanks, David Attenborough,' you grumble.

     'It's fine, though, since John is oblivious as fuck,' Rose ends with a shrug.

     'But if you're not going to tell John you like him, what are you afraid to do?' Jade pipes up.

     You sit up slowly, crossing your legs and hunching over. 'Okay, but gotta promise me you ain't gonna tell him, aight?'

     Jade nods enthusiastically, eyes wide behind her glasses.

     'I uh... You know how... Shit...'

     'Take a deep breath, Dave,' Rose reassures you, and places a hand on your shoulder. 'Think of this as practice.'

     You let out a whine, wanting to curl up and expire, but you shake your head, slap your cheeks a few times, and take a deep breath. 'Aight, so... John... Fuck... I mean Jade... I mean...  _ Fuck!  _ I can't do this, Rose...'

     'You got this, Dave.'

     'Okay, okay, so. Last night I was workin' the streets since I had no fuckin' idea where any of y'all went, and I got picked up and we fucked and then we fucked again this mornin' before I got here.'

     Jade's listening to every word, her lips parted and fingers curled under her chin as she watches you.

     You never really realized before until now, but Jade looks so much like John, it scares you a little. There's obvious differences, but the resemblance is uncanny. You really wish she wouldn't stare at you like that with those huge green eyes of hers.

     You take a deep breath and continue, 'So... It was all fine an' all but... The man who picked me up was...' You swallow a hard lump in your throat. 'John's... Dad...'

     Jade slaps a hand to her mouth to hide her gasp. 'Dave! Dave, that's really, really bad!'

     'I didn' know it was him!!' you say defensively and climb off the bed. 'I only found out now when I fuckin' saw him back there! That's why I had t'leave!'

     'Ooh, this is terrible... What's John going to say? How are you going to tell him?'

     'I dunno!' you let out a laugh and run your hands through your hair. 'I guess like a band aid. Hey John, guess what! Or some shit.'

     'Hey, guys!!' John's voice comes from the other side of the door.

     You most definitely lose your shit.

     John steps in, grinning like a fool. 'Dad said he wanted to take us out to the museum then get ice cream after!' But his smile falters when the girls turn to look at you. You're mortified. 'What's wrong?'

     'John...' Rose starts, but stops when you hold up a hand.

     'Bro, we need t'talk... About somethin'...' you say in a low voice. You look over his shoulder and you can see his Dad standing there in the hall. He catches your eye and looks away.

     'Heh, about what?' John asks.

     Rose gets up, takes Jade's arm and leaves the room. You kind of wish she was still there for moral support, but you guess it's the right choice doing it privately.

     'I... Okay, I'm gonna preface this and say I totes understand if you're gonna hate me for it or if you never wanna talk to me again or wanna hit me, I'll get it and I understand and fuck, I kinda wanna do all that shit to me anyway and--'

     'Dave, you're rambling.'

     'Shit. Sorry, man...'

     'Is everything okay with you? Is it your Bro again? Or--'

     'No, no,  _ fuck _ . Look just... Sit... Down maybe. Or not, I don't know,' you rub your eyes, then smush your cheeks and huff out a sigh. 'I... Last night... I slept... With... Your Dad...'

     He's silent as he stares at you. Then, 'Heh, good joke. That's a real knee slapper.'

     You just watch him with a mixture of guilt and regret.

     'You're... Not kidding...' he falters, and there's something in his voice that churns your stomach and you want to throw up and he doesn't even look at you anymore. He just stares at the floor, taking small deep breaths. 'You're...'

     'I'm sorry...' you plead in that quiet voice you hate. 'I'm so, so sorry, John... I didn' know it was him...'

     You can see the anger starting to settle in his face. He doesn't say anything more, and you wish he would. You wish he'd yell at you or hit you or call you names, but he doesn't. He just turns on his heel and walks out of the room, slamming the door on the way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're on the home stretch!
> 
> btw im working on a part 2 of this story so hopefully ill get it done in a reasonable amount of time


	14. Chapter 14

It's July 11th and you're 18 years old.

     'John! John, wait!' you yell and go after him, but when you open the door, your friends are standing there awkwardly.

     'His Dad went after him...' Rose said softly. 'I don't know where they went.'

     Your heart feels like it's shattering into pieces. You don't know what to do but you kind of want to cry and break down and fold into yourself and give up. You feel sick and dizzy and your hands are shaking and tears are forming in your eyes and you just...

     You shut down. All the emotions you felt drain away. You feel cold and empty and you don't know what to do. Jade reaches a hand out to touch you, but you don't notice her. Rose tries to say something, but you don't hear her. You just walk away from them with your tail between your legs.

     You walk home, head downcast and legs on autopilot. It's a long walk from the hotel, and by the time you arrive at your apartment, it's already mid afternoon. You head up the stairs, mind still on standby, and before you know it, you're standing in your apartment.

     Bro's there, watching a day time TV show, and from the slight haze in the air, you can tell he's been there a while. The place reeks of weed but it's somehow comforting.

     He doesn't acknowledge your presence, even when you go to stand next to him by the futon. It's only after you mutter a small _hey_ does he look at you, and it's only briefly and he doesn't turn his head. You just felt his gaze on you, feel it follow you as you move in front and sit down next to him.

     You pull a leg to your chest and lean back, watching but not absorbing what's on the TV.

     Both of you sit in silence, save for the soft _fwhh_ sound that comes with him taking a drag on his joint. He passes it to you silently, and you take it, take a hit and pass it back and you fall into a rhythm of sharing it and it's almost nice. Almost, if the tension of him switching and beating your ass wasn't a threat that hangs over your head.

     'Why're ye still here?' he asks, and you know he's not talking about the present.

     'Dunno,' you reply. 'Got nowhere to go.'

     'Thinkin' of leavin'?'

     'Eventually, when I can. You gonna miss me?'

     He doesn't say anything, just stares at the TV. This somehow satisfies you.

     'I had a place in mind, but...'

     'You fucked that up, didn'ya?'

     'Yeah.'

     Then he does something which surprises you - he puts his hand on your knee and gives you a reassuring squeeze. It's so slight you almost don’t feel it, but you saw the flex in his fingers and it brings you back to when you were a kid. To when you and him were cool with each other and he didn't beat your ass or drink heavily or get into drugs. It was just the two of you against the world and you miss those times and it brings a bubble of emotion to your chest but you squish it down with another drag on the joint.

     You're feeling overwhelmed now. You fucked up your relationship with John, Bro's actually pretending to give a shit and it brings back so many memories. Memories of a time where you actually feel like a real person instead of a problem. Memories of a time where you actually felt happy. Genuine happiness. Sure, you hated stealing and cheating and lying, but Bro was there for you and he made it better. He reassured you that it was okay, because you both were dealt the world's shittiest hand of cards and you could only win if you worked together.

     But it was so long ago now, that you sometimes wonder if it ever happened. Your chest feels tight and your throat burns and you want to cry but you don't cry in front of Bro.

     'I don'... Know what t'do...' you mumble finally after a long silence.

     'I'm gonna tell ya what yer gonna do,' Bro says, leaning over to stub the roach out. 'Yer gonna fix whatever bullshit ya did coz Striders clean up their messes.'

     'Big talk, comin' from you,' you mumble despite yourself and earn a sharp swat on the arm. Then you catch something that you haven't seen in a long fucking time - a smile. It's tiny, and barely there, but you notice it and you smile in return.

     'Thanks, Bro.'

     'No problem, lil man.'

**

     Jade's the one who calls you back to the hotel and you're surprised. Apparently John and his Dad came back not long after you left and they got into a heated argument. Rose had to placate both of them and Jade wanted to call you back sooner, but Rose advised against it. She knew you needed time to calm down.

     So there you are, hopping the metro to return back to the hotel. You're so anxious your palms are clammy and you feel like you're going to pass out but you keep a straight face when you walk to their hotel rooms. You knock on one door, no answer, so you open the next and they all turn to look at you in unison. It'd be fucking creepy if you didn't feel like you were walking on death row to be executed by your best friend.

     John's glaring daggers at you and you've never seen him so angry before. Your stomach knots itself and guilt eats you alive.

     'Hi, Dave,' Jade says, but it's in a quiet voice.

     You just nod and lean back against the door. You brace yourself for whatever John's about to throw at you. You shut your eyes, take a deep breath and await his wrath.

     But he doesn't yell or hit you or even cry. He just sighs, stares at his hands for a while before looking up and saying, 'I'm sorry for getting so angry...'

     Your eyes snap open and you look at him, but don't move.

     'I know it wasn't your fault... I just got so mad! It felt like you betrayed me but... You didn't know, so how could you? Dad explained everything...' he sighs, and there's something in his voice that makes your heart pang painfully. How much does John know about his Dad? How much did Dad tell him? 

     You glance furtively at John's Dad. He's not looking anywhere but the ground.

     'Man, 'm sorry, too,' you murmur. 'If I knew, dude, I wouldn' have--'

     'I know, Dave. I know. That's why I'm apologising to you, dummy!' John face breaks out in the smile that makes your heart skip a beat. You can't help but return it.

     He gets up and moves closer to you. There's a moment of hesitation and all eyes are on you, then, he slips his arms around you and hugs you tight. This totally feels like you're both in some stupid teenage comedy, and maybe you are, but it feels really stupid and it gets you laughing. A small laugh at first, but then you double over howling and John steps back, shooting a look to Rose.

     Everybody's a little afraid of you.

     'Oh... Oh holy shit... Fuck dude... You were so f'ckin' scary... I never wanna seeya angry like that again.'

     'Well then don't sleep with my dad! Simple!' John protests.

     'Eh, I can't make promises...' You jump back as he takes a swing at you. 'Jesus! I'm kiddin'! I'm done ridin' daddy's dick anyhow.'

     In unison, they all slap their hands to their faces.

     Dad moves over and holds his hand out. 'Dave, I want to apologize for what I did. If I had known--'

     'Man, don'even worry 'bout it,' you shrug, and shake his hand. 'You didn' know. I didn' know. It's all good, pops.'

     He smiles, and you have to look away because it looks so much like John's, shit, shit, _shit_. You catch Rose's eye and she gives you a knowing smile. You just scowl at her in response and she looks away innocently, batting her lashes. She knows. Of course she knows. You're too fucking easy to read and you're going to have to start remembering that.

     'I just... have to know why? How did it happen?' John asks, his eyes searching you, but your guard is straining against it. 

     You roll your shoulders in a shrug, 'Dunno... y'all weren't around when I woke up from my nap so I went to work.' 

     'Why didn't you text or call us?' Jade asks.

     'Dunno. Figured you'd wanna hang without me?' 

     'Why would we? We're your friends! We love hanging out with you!' 

     'No, no I meant... shit,' you sigh, rubbing your jaw. 'I meant more... I don't know. Don't worry about it.' 

     'Dave... What's wrong?' Jade moves so she can sit closer, her wide green eyes pouring into you. You just avoid her gaze as much as possible. 

     'Look, I'm still tryna deal with all of this, ok?' 

     'Deal with what?' Rose asks. 'You selling yourself and us knowing about it?' 

     You just nod.

     'You think that our opinion of you has changed and you feel ashamed that we know about what you do?'

     You nod again.

     'Dumbass,' she sighs. 'If we can deal with all your other quirks, what makes you think we can't deal with this one?'

     'Just as long as you're safe, Dave!' Jade says, and the others nod. Even John's Dad. 

     'Thanks, guys...' 

     'As an apology for creating a rift between Dave and John, how about I take you out for ice cream?' Dad offers, adjusting his tie. 'My treat.'

     Jade and John both let out a cheer, while Rose rolls her eyes and gives a slight shake of her head, but she's smiling. 

     You let out a snort. The feeling that you're in a wholesome family comedy, where every problem gets resolved in the end, isn't going away, and you think, as long as John's Dad is around, it'll be like that. He has a way of making everything feel like it's going to be okay, and you kind of like it. You kind of like that it feels like he cares, like he's the parent to all of you. Part of you firmly believes that yeah, he does care about you. You're his son's best friends. 

     Which, in hindsight, is pretty fucked up considering you slept with him (twice) for money.

     John's Dad leads the girls out but you grab John's arm, holding him back. His Dad gives you two a puzzled look, but you motion him to go ahead.

     John looks at you, curious, 'What is it?'

     'Hey, I gotta ask you a thing real quick. You can think it over and gimmie an answer later, when yer back in Washington or somethin'.'

     'Yeah, okay. Shoot.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the scene with bro is probably my favourite scene in this fic j/s
> 
> whoever can guess what dave asked john wins uh. my shame because of my predictability :'v
> 
> originally this was supposed to be part of (what is now) chapter 15 but i felt like 14/15 had too much information at once so i chopped them up for readability. hope you don't mind the next few chapters are a little shorter!!


	15. Chapter 15

It's July 13th, and you're 18 years old.

     Your friends have to leave sooner than you expected, and it's the worst feeling watching them go. You have no idea when the four of you will be able to see each other like this again, but you all make a vow that it'll be sooner than eighteen years. Maybe next year you can all go to John's place, then Rose's, and then Jade's and keep taking turns. You all agree that it's the best option.

     The day they leave is one of the hardest days of your life, and the others share the same sentiments. John's Dad gives the four of you time alone to say your goodbyes. You spend the entire time hanging out in the park, you go to the diner for a final time for great food on John's Dad's credit card. You might have spent way more than needed but Jonh promises he won't be mad.

     Then it's time for them to go. Since John and his dad are driving, they decide to spend another night and get an early start the tomorrow morning, so you at least get to hang out with him for a bit longer. But Jade and Rose both have to catch their flights the same day.

     Jade gets on her plane first, crying and sniffling and hesitating and if you could, you'd keep her with you forever, but she says she misses her dog and wants to go home. You mention that her devil dog probably can't wait to slobber on her anyway, and it makes her smile.

     Rose's flight is a couple of hours later, and she does her best to keep a straight face when it's time for her to leave. She hugs you and John, grabs her stuff and starts to walk away.

     It's at this point John loses his shit. You've managed to keep a straight face, holding back tears (years of practice,) but John can't keep it together and buries his face shoulder as you awkwardly pat his back.

     Rose catches this as she's leaving and gives you a weird look. You just give her a thumbs up in response.

     The final night with John, you eat dinner with him and his Dad and it's actually pleasant. Even after, when you go for a walk, the awkwardness from before is now gone. John's talking about all the fun things you did before his Dad showed up, carefully skirting around them finding out about your breakdowns and Bro hitting you and the whole prostitution thing.

     As he talks, you notice how raptly his Dad is listening to him and there's something in his gaze that makes your chest tight.

     His Dad loves him more than anything in the world and would probably give up everything to make him happy. This is obvious. John always has somebody to go to when the world is dark - he always has somebody there for him.

     A spike of jealousy stabs your heart, because you wonder... What would life be like if you had a person in your life who actually cared? Who wanted to see you do good in life? What would happen if your life was switched with John's? Would he grow up to be a teenage whore? Would you be into stupid movies?

     What would life be like if Bro was a normal human being and you had a wholesome relationship with him instead of an abusive, toxic environment?

     You're pulled from your thoughts when John slings an arm around your neck. You smile at him, and he smiles back, and you're, for the first time in a while, actually happy. The entire time your friends were down were the best moments of your life, and you know it's strengthened your bonds with them.

     **

     They leave in the morning, earlier than you want to get up, but you do anyway because you want to see John one last time. His dad takes the both of you out for breakfast, right as the diner opens up. You have pancakes and bacon and home fries and coffee and everything tastes wonderful and amazing.

     Then it's time to go. One last hug good bye, a few sniffles from both of you, and you even brave a hug from his dad. He smells just as good as the night you first met.

     'Alright, hey, don't let that hug linger too long,' John snaps and you both almost reluctantly let go. Part of you wants to grab his Dad by the face and shove your tongue into his mouth to spite him, but you resist. Your friendship means too much and you genuinely do not want to see John that pissed off again.

     John gets in the car, and before he shuts the door, you hold it open with your hand. He looks up curiously at you.

     'Hey, don' ferget what I asked ya, aight?' you say.

     'Oh, yeah! I thought about it and... I'm cool with it, bro. I think it'll be fun!'

     You can't help but smile. 'Cool, cool. Talk to you later, then. We can has out those motherfuckin' deets,' and you close the door. John gives you a final wave before Dad drives him off.

     You stand back, hands in your pockets, watching the car meld into the rest of the traffic heading out of Houston. It's bittersweet, but you know you'll be seeing him again soon. You'll see all of them soon and you can't wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this was going to be part of chapter 14 but i realized it was too much information shoved into one chapter so i broke it up a bit, so hope yall dont mind the last few chapters being a little shorter!


	16. Chapter 16

It's September 23rd and you're 18 years old.

     It's been months since you've seen your friends, but that doesn't mean you don't talk to them just as much. In fact, you talk to them more than ever, and since they know some of your deepest secrets, you find yourself opening up more and more to them.

     Obviously you keep a lot hidden still, because it's hard to talk about some things, but also because you like to keep an air of mystery around you. Rose, however, knows everything so she's never convinced, but she at least humors you and you love her for that.

     You've been more busy than ever, working extra hard to save up money. You store it away every chance you get, nearly getting caught several times, but it's worth it. It's worth a bit of pain, it's worth a bit of grief, because you're finally moving out. Not just out of the apartment, either, but the entire state.

     You're excited. You've never _been_ out of the city before, the closest being on the highway leading out, but Bro brought you right back a few days later. That was the closest to a vacation out of the city you ever got. And it wasn't even a vacation, you might have been running from the cops. You just never had the money to do it, especially since Bro spent all his spare cash (and all of yours,) on hookers, drugs and booze. At least he did until you stashed it away in a bank, where even he wouldn't be dumb enough to try and get.

     You promised Rose you would find a way out, and you did. You promised her you'd be safe and she believed you, and you're proud that you can make her happy because escape is moments away. You just gotta figure out how the fuck you're going to pack all your shit in one carry on and one suitcase. You bought the biggest and lightest one you could find and even then you're pretty sure you're going to have to leave most of your stuff.

     You're keeping the important stuff, like your camera and a backup of your computer hard drives. You can get rid of the computer and just buy a new one, but you saved all your files and wiped it clean. Don't need Bro finding anything he can hold against you. Any gifts your friends gave you, most of your clothes, some of your favourite books and all your photographs. All of it's going with you.

     You figure, if you need anything, you can pay Bro off to ship it to you or something, since you have no idea when you'd be returning. You still have some friends in the city, like Kiki and even Leo. Turning in your two weeks was terrible, because he started crying and it felt awful to see him break down like that, but he did mostly complain that he was going to lose business since, as he put it, _your pretty ass ain't gonna be 'round no more._

     Leaving Kiki was harder, but you promised you'd call her and text her and keep her updated. She gave you a box of her favourite tea and told you to think of her every time you made a cup. You will.

     You take one final look at your room, trying to keep the emotions at bay. You have too many memories, so many are painful, but a few good ones, of this room. Hell, for this entire apartment. You sigh, step out of your room and close the door behind you.

     You walk to the door, drop your luggage off and turn to Bro, who is currently watching TV.

     'I'm goin',' you say, and wait.

     'Yer really leavin',' he states it as fact. Any emotions he's feeling, he's not letting them out.

     'Yep. I'll uh, text you when I get there.'

     'Mm.'

     'Well, later, then,' you turn to the door and place your hand on the doorknob. You didn't expect anything more of a farewell, and it hurts. It stings and burns and it makes your eyes hurt because you want to cry and you just want him to say goodbye. Why is it so fucking difficult for him to show that he cares?

     You jerk the door open, but before you step out, you hear movement, then--

     'Dave, wait,' Bro says, and closes the distance between you two.

     You look at him, sigh, then shrug your shoulders. 'You don't gotta say anythin',' you mumble.

     What he does next shocks you. He pulls you into a hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck and holds you close. You wrap your arms around him and hug him back and for a long time, you stand there, holding each other like it's your first time.

     'Be safe, lil man,' is all he can say and for the first time in your life, you hear genuine emotion in his voice.

     'I will,' you whisper back.

     Bro steps away, pushing his fingers under his shades to rub at his eyes.

     You're so overwhelmed by what just happened, and you're surprised to see how much of him has changed over the years. He still has the regal face with a strong jaw and high cheekbones and thin lips, but it's weathered. You can see creases in places that were never there before, crows feat crinkling his eyes if he turns his head just right, and flecks of silver in his already light hair.

     You don't say anything else, just give him a nod, a slight smile, and leave the apartment.

     The trip to the airport is uneventful but you stare intently out the car's window, absorbing the last remains of a relationship you had with a city you grew up in. You figure you're going to find your way back to Texas, one day, but you don't know when and things might be different when you do return. Who knows, maybe when when (if) you come back, it won't be a miserable place. That's a laugh.

     But before you know it, thanks to your iPod, you're on the flight an leaving the city, feeling a cocktail of emotions. To put in in simple terms: you're absolutely fucking terrified and overwhelmed and stressed. You've never flown before and you totally wanna bail, but you don't. Your freedom is more important than your fear. You can't imagine what Bro would say if he saw you crawl back home. He'd probably kick you out and call you a pussy.

     But when you're in the air, watching the buildings shrink into specks, everything changes. You feel good, you feel light, you feel free. The shackles that kept you to Bro, that kept you to Houston, that kept you to the life you once had have been unlocked. You're now a free person to do whatever you please, you're now able to live your life the way you want to. It almost makes you feel giddy.

     The flight itself isn't the worst, except when you hit a pocket of turbulence and you genuinely think you're going to die. At least you keep your cool. Almost. You might have had to hurry to the bathroom to throw up a little bit, because wow that was the worst you've felt in a long ass time..

     Getting off the plane is a nightmare, since security is stupidly tight, but once you check through, grab your bags and leave the gate, you're back to your usual calm and collected self.

     You stand at the terminal, checking your phone for messages. You slouch, one hand in your pocket, while the other thumbs the screen of your phone. You don't know how long you're supposed to wait before you get annoyed, but you don't have to worry about it. You hear somebody running towards you, then the sound of your name being called.

     You look to the source of the noise and smile.

     'Hi, Dave!'

     'Hey, John.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end! 
> 
> yes there is going to be a second part! i have no idea when i'm going to be posting it but hopefully sooner rather than later. so keep an eye out for more of that. 
> 
> i want to say thanks to everybody who has read this, commented, kudos'd it, etc. it really means a lot to me. dave has always been such an important character to me and i'm glad i get to share my interpretation of him with you all! 
> 
> see you next time!

**Author's Note:**

> don't come for me for writing a homestuck fic about the beta kids in 2018
> 
> also i realized about half way that i got some inspiration from scott heim's mysterious skin so that's cool.
> 
> originally this was going to be a story about how bro and dave con people out of money and live out of their car but somehow after the first chapter that idea went out the window and it's what it is now. i had so much fun writing this and im really, really happy with how it came out. probably the most ive ever written for anything in my life dfgf.
> 
> since this is already completed, my posting schedule will probably be once a week, aiming for mondays but i'm forgetful so. don't be surprised if i forget.


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